Falling Silent

The shame of cult life
Never leaves you.

It follows like shadows
Reflecting moments you
Aren’t sure if you;

Said something right,
Did something right,
Knew about a thing,
A song, a phrase or
A time period.

You are constantly
Encountering moments
Being sunk into an abyss
Of dark absence.

Will I ever not
Fall silent, when friends
Echo the shows from
A childhood I
Never laid eyes on?

Will I ever cease
Pulling up a memory,
Sharing, hoping and
Searching for comrades
In a place that is
So foreign to me?

The lack eats at you
Constantly fact checking
Your own self,
Sighing relief when you
Find out that you’re
More in the know
Than you think,

And the outsiders
Look in curiously
Making assumptions;
Judgements so, see

Every time it
Happens to me,
I back up a little more
Into my corner
Where aloneness
Is the safe zone.

Away from the
Misunderstandings, the
Shifting impossibilities,
I remain solitary
Where I understand me,
And we have each other
On the inside
Where no one has to hide.

©venniekocsis.com

About Vennie Kocsishttps://venniekocsis.wordpress.comI am a survivor of Sam Fife's Move Of God cult in which I suffered physical, mental and sexual abuse as a child. If you know, then you know.

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