This passage from my memoir "Cult Child" discusses a near-death experience I had when I was five years old.
Collage Book by Vennie Kocsis Collage art is a medium which I feel most in harmony with. For me, it’s akin to throwing runes and letting the story emerge on its own. I picked up some outdated pocket planners from Half Price Books to up-cycle into new books. Below is a time-lapse video of my … Continue reading “I’m Kind Of a Big Deal: We’re Talking Cover-up”
Skeletons remain in the spaces beneath the pain. My brain becomes a seismograph of moving timelines and opportunities to rewind. I enter the dark caverns armed. This is no place for charm or niceties. This is a war to be fought by a single army. I am one with what was formed. I go quiet … Continue reading Skeletons Remain
In battle, small platoons take hold positions. Their leaders converse and strategize. It is neither a battle they plan to fight nor a war they wish to start. It will be a complete conquering, and this must be a smooth sweep. Such things are not decided upon quickly. Every angle is inspected thoroughly and repeatedly. … Continue reading The Birth of Death
I can be like a hound dog, occasionally distracted by attractive scents, sniffing successfully until something redirects me.
by Vennie Kocsis I don't quite understand these constant holidays, dedicated to moms and dads and bunnies and love. I see them as marketing scams, a way to boost economy almost every month, by throwing in a Holiday. But hey, maybe I'm bitter. On these days I am reminded of my absent mother. See, not … Continue reading Motherless On Mother’s Day
I wonder if my mother ever felt the rejection and pain of her children. Did she ever cry? I can't recall in this moment, ever seeing my mother cry. I wonder if she'd care that I love pictures of my family; to document moments of happy, because no one ever did that for me. I … Continue reading My Childhood Is a Graveyard of Ghosts
Tired Morose Flat This feels like An aftermath Of the rubble From a space shuttle I was never meant To depart from. Thinking of home I am a Universal vagabond With my heart strapped on; Ripped so many times There is no more lining For stitches, So I wrap it in twine Tie a knot … Continue reading The Current Tide
What does it feel like To be a ghost shunned; A soul un-grieved, Un-missed and unforgiven? In the hovering bowels Of mysticism where the Cynics hang their hats, She waits to be Acknowledged. In these times there Is a satisfaction in this Inter-dimensional reaction; When spirit feels the wishing Just like we did When we … Continue reading Un-Acknowledged
What the un-abused cannot understand is how a child can be raped and defiled, then smile at school the next day. What I can say as a sex and physical child abuse survivor is that a lot of us victims don't fully understand it either, except to explain that this is where fragmentation of the … Continue reading Abused Children Wear Multiple Faces
I wish I had one less tear for every time I heard the advice to stay more focused on the future than I do the past. Or one less ache for the unsolicited opinion that letting go is always best. I have spent many years contemplating this. I revert to the line in a journal … Continue reading When Childhood Gaps Haunt You