We trauma survivors can have a little habit. Avoidance. I know. I’ve been there. For many years I burrowed myself into every other person and/or project that distracted my mind away from myself. I was so frightened by what I had to face in myself; the pain, the anger, the memories of a tortured childhood, … Continue reading It Starts Inside
I have dissected new sections of pain which remain in the hidden spaces of my brain.
I can be like a hound dog, occasionally distracted by attractive scents, sniffing successfully until something redirects me.
by Vennie Kocsis I don't quite understand these constant holidays, dedicated to moms and dads and bunnies and love. I see them as marketing scams, a way to boost economy almost every month, by throwing in a Holiday. But hey, maybe I'm bitter. On these days I am reminded of my absent mother. See, not … Continue reading Motherless On Mother’s Day
I wonder if my mother ever felt the rejection and pain of her children. Did she ever cry? I can't recall in this moment, ever seeing my mother cry. I wonder if she'd care that I love pictures of my family; to document moments of happy, because no one ever did that for me. I … Continue reading My Childhood Is a Graveyard of Ghosts
Tired Morose Flat This feels like An aftermath Of the rubble From a space shuttle I was never meant To depart from. Thinking of home I am a Universal vagabond With my heart strapped on; Ripped so many times There is no more lining For stitches, So I wrap it in twine Tie a knot … Continue reading The Current Tide
What does it feel like To be a ghost shunned; A soul un-grieved, Un-missed and unforgiven? In the hovering bowels Of mysticism where the Cynics hang their hats, She waits to be Acknowledged. In these times there Is a satisfaction in this Inter-dimensional reaction; When spirit feels the wishing Just like we did When we … Continue reading Un-Acknowledged
What the un-abused cannot understand is how a child can be raped and defiled, then smile at school the next day. What I can say as a sex and physical child abuse survivor is that a lot of us victims don't fully understand it either, except to explain that this is where fragmentation of the … Continue reading Abused Children Wear Multiple Faces
I wish I had one less tear for every time I heard the advice to stay more focused on the future than I do the past. Or one less ache for the unsolicited opinion that letting go is always best. I have spent many years contemplating this. I revert to the line in a journal … Continue reading When Childhood Gaps Haunt You
We are often encouraged to write out our trauma memories. As an author, I am definitely a supporter of this process and understand what it can do for the mind, body and spirit. Often I have spoken with trauma survivors who don't have any kind of outlet for the pain they are holding in. So … Continue reading Are You Afraid To Write Your Trauma?
The shame of cult life Never leaves you. It follows like shadows Reflecting moments you Aren't sure if you; Said something right, Did something right, Knew about a thing, A song, a phrase or A time period. You are constantly Encountering moments Being sunk into an abyss Of dark absence. Will I ever not Fall … Continue reading Falling Silent