This passage from my memoir "Cult Child" discusses a near-death experience I had when I was five years old.
Tag: cptsd
We Are Your Revelation
Sexual abuse, trauma;Leaves physical scarsToo deep to ever leave.They etch into the skinA constant reminderOf being a victim. Torn tendons in groins.Cracked backs,Hips askew and brainsWracked from pain,From the blows you threw,Sadistic things who,Found their way to earth,Soon returning to the dirtWhere they belong,Fodder for worms,Leaving behind aftermathThat the apatheticWant to forget. We will never … Continue reading We Are Your Revelation
Mom’s Sick. Dad’s Abusive. I Have Let Go.
I imagine cutting off contact with him probably made him treat my mother worse. I’m sure he took his anger out on her.
Skeletons Remain
Skeletons remain in the spaces beneath the pain. My brain becomes a seismograph of moving timelines and opportunities to rewind. I enter the dark caverns armed. This is no place for charm or niceties. This is a war to be fought by a single army. I am one with what was formed. I go quiet … Continue reading Skeletons Remain
Underneath
Underneath the energyCalled skin, IAm weighted, aReinvented spawn ofSeeds processed throughUniversal time. You said youDidn't know howsuch things happen. You lied.I felt it inside. I sat confirmed,In the least, smiling.They were duped, used,Arrogantly believed itWas special giftsThey received. Oh, you fools.We gave you nothing. Instead, we insured aPlanetary pureness, afterYou had purged the Mother,Wringing her … Continue reading Underneath
The Current Tide
TiredMoroseFlatThis feels likeAn aftermathOf the rubbleFrom a space shuttleI was never meantTo depart from. Thinking of homeI am a Universal vagabondWith my heart strapped on;Ripped so many timesThere is no more liningFor stitches,So I wrap it in twineTie a knot inside my chestA place to tetherThe sadness. Stop trying to fixThe broken heartedWith your big … Continue reading The Current Tide
Un-Acknowledged
What does it feel likeTo be a ghost shunned;A soul un-grieved,Un-missed and unforgiven? In the hovering bowelsOf mysticism where theCynics hang their hats,She waits to beAcknowledged. In these times thereIs a satisfaction in thisInter-dimensional reaction;When spirit feels the wishingJust like we didWhen we were littleAnd hurting. "You are undeserving." I see her thereWeeping. She isRepeating … Continue reading Un-Acknowledged
Falling Silent
The shame of cult lifeNever leaves you. It follows like shadowsReflecting moments youAren't sure if you; Said something right,Did something right,Knew about a thing,A song, a phrase orA time period. You are constantlyEncountering momentsBeing sunk into an abyssOf dark absence. Will I ever notFall silent, when friendsEcho the shows fromA childhood INever laid eyes on? … Continue reading Falling Silent
Abstract Aberration
Abstract writing is a style allowing the reader to interpret for themselves.
“Victim Speaks Out, While Cult Leader Awaits Trial”
"Told in a restrained but highly effective style, reminiscent of Kazuo Ishiguro’s brilliantly understated bestseller "Never Let Me Go", "Cult Child" provides frightening insights into the methods and after-effects of religious coercion. Her fortress is no bigger than the space between her ears; but through quiet internal resistance, Sila halts her opponents and outlasts their … Continue reading “Victim Speaks Out, While Cult Leader Awaits Trial”
Shattered
Shattered intoA host of ghostsI never saw a demonSave in the memoriesOf my screaming And days aren'tAll fucking prettyJust because I'm notLamenting the acheThat sometimesSettlesIn my core There's so muchLeft to tellAnd I'm in fractalsSorting out facesIn the spacesGone black The cavesWith a hundred eyesLooking backWaiting toFeed the fearMock the tearsThen disappear ShatteredScatteredDark matter That's … Continue reading Shattered
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