I have dissected new sections of pain which remain in the hidden spaces of my brain.
As I have lived my own survivorship and spent the last few years deeply connecting with trauma survivors, I see three distinct phases of the journey. Victim | Survivor | Thriver (and for some, Advocacy/Warriorship) I think one of the most difficult breaks in the healing process is moving from the victim to survivor state. … Continue reading Victim To Survivor To Thriver: You Will Do It!
I spent the last couple of evenings sifting through CDs of writing going back almost 15 years. This poem was written in 2005. It really took me back to the cusp of my pain. In those days when I felt deeply haunted, poetry was my soul's literary life saver. Do You Want To Know Why … Continue reading Do You Want To Know Why I Won’t Let You Get Close? Circa 2005
The Original One wavers, lazily sleeping, snacking and avoiding. Might I silence the fire, burning and buzzing in the spine? We run into the trails, avoiding the undergrowth of tree roots pushing their way through the ground. We grab at leafy branches. She’s an avalanche avoiding her own rubble. Sideways in the gradients lingering around … Continue reading Abstract Aberration
"You're crazy." How often have you heard this phrase thrown around, either flippantly, in jest or to victim blame someone who has overcome or is recovering from abuse? I heard this often as a post-cult teenager and well into my adult years. While I was actually dealing with the behavioral aftermath of being an extremely … Continue reading Born Crazy: A Video Poem
If my mother were alive, and you were to ask her if she allowed her children to be abused or if she abused her children, her answer would most likely be (with Bible in hand), "Absolutely NOT!" She would then most likely go on to tell you what difficult children my siblings and I were … Continue reading Child Abusers Rarely Take Ownership of Their Crimes
On October 7th, the world was supposed to end again, as it has been for centuries, since Christianity unleashed its torrent of mind control on humanity. When this story hit the internet, there was a lot of laughter and mocking towards it. I agree. It is ridiculous. However, I find the concept of Heaven and … Continue reading When a Child Is Trained For Death
Click the player below to listen to the two hour interview as I talk with Janaki of The (Not So) Sacred Radio Show about my childhood growing on in a bible based cult.
Once a Victim Now a Survivor Award I'm really honored to be payed forward the "Once a Victim Now a Survivor Award". Thank you so much, Darque Thoughts I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read my emotional vomiting. If one reader feels less alone, then all the retching is worth it. Thank you … Continue reading I Received a Beautiful Award!
Heartbreaking By a. estrada on April 14, 2015 Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase I don't know how else to say it The book will break your heart. It will make you cry. It will make you mad. And somehow, little Sila still brought a smile to my face, even an out loud laugh, or two! … Continue reading “Cult Child” Amazon Review – Heartbreaking
Exactly eight years ago today she died. I was at work when I got the phone call. It was expected. She guilted and ate herself into diabetes and an early death. She was only 65. I used to call her Mom, then Mother, and now I call her by her first name. Maybe it's my … Continue reading She Died Today