A Different Kind Of Damaged

You are a different kind

Of damaged, chaotic mind

Confused you use words

As projection swords and

I see the hurt behind the eyes

The reflection as your soul dies

Lie by lie by lie; the ones you

Tell yourself are true so you

Have a good enough excuse

To dart the arrows with no regard

Of the blood flown from hearts

Torn apart by your anger and

My mind says danger. Danger.

There is pain too deep to touch,

A hole that one could fall through

To end up in a deep abyss

Of your untethered loneliness.

Such a sunflower shouldn’t die

Drowning inside an inability to cry,

You sip illusion, a savory wine;

Your mirror, a self-made design.

Everything that makes you wince

Tells you what needs love’s attention

As you ignore. Ignore. Ignore;

The parts of you so bruised and sore.

I can only sit and observe,

The winding streets of your hurt

Hovering above the purity

Stolen from your childhood

An inability to develop so you

Scrambled and scratched your

Way through life; numb the wounds

With bottles of booze, laugh away

The moments draining your happy,

Regret and listing what you’re lacking.

I feel slightly stoic and disinterested,

An odd reaction, to not feel sorry

For the churning of your own hurting.

When light floats inside your air

You call the darkness; safer there?

No more minutes can pass me by.

I’m swiftly running out of time; must

Focus forward; head held high

Silently take the podium and speak.

Empowered woman. Empowered me.

©️ VennieKocsis

Published by

Vennie Kocsis

Vennie Kocsis is the author of the best selling cult memoir, “Cult Child”, and is listed in Book Riot’s top 100 cult books. Visit her website to see her other publications and offerings.

5 thoughts on “A Different Kind Of Damaged”

  1. When light floats inside your air

    You call the darkness; safer there? . . . . . .

    Do you realize that among all those I know (and knew) in the ‘body’ that you are just about the only one who has the balls to express their indignation? . . . That has the balls to express yourself and reveal your true feelings?

    To me it doesn’t matter whether you are absolutely correct in all of your assumptions as much as the fact that you are absolutely indignant to the circumstances that caused them.

    You are a charter member in a breed that, like a bug, is quickly disappearing under the carpet of fear . . . you are still alive and kicking in the land of the dead . . . I applaud you.


    1. Thank you. There’s nothing to fear for me. I make no assumptions. I grew up in and lived Sam Fife’s Move of God. There’s no assumptions in the truth. I do want to say, I am not the only one speaking. Glori Williams who left just 6 years ago soeaks loudly too; how the abuses haven’t stopped, just modernized over th years. With that said, just for meanings’ sake, this poem isn’t directed to them persay, but instead every person who won’t choose Healing. The more we heal, the easier it becomes to tell the truth. 💞💞


      1. I read your book and being one who was actually in Ak about the same time I believe you are not assuming anything. . . . . I’m just impressed with the fact that you . . . (quote) Do you realize that among all those I know (and knew) in the ‘body’ that you are just about the only one who has the balls to express their indignation? That last paragraph even I have a hard time understanding . . . (I think I got lost in wannabe cleverness)

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I often get lost in wanna cleverness too, Met with the blank stare until a I realize ah… humor only cult kids can understand. The point I hoped most to drive home in my book, is the way a child sees and experiences their trauma, how they interpret it, their perspective and bottled up emotions. If I succeeded in doing that, then I feel like I accomplished my goal. 💞


          1. you did . . . I was mesmerized by the little girl living a life so different from my own experience. I appreciate your candor and well, it was just a good book about a horrible experience . . . good luck on your next one,


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