What’s a time you ignored your gut — and paid for it?
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I’ve always given people the benefit of the doubt, even when my intuition was pinging my gut. Why? Because I’ve always shown up as my authentic self, and I assumed everyone else was doing the same. Why would anyone present themselves any other way?
But they weren’t being honest or forthright, and that hurts. I brushed off that burning feeling as “trust issues.” In truth, I was trusting far more than I should have.
I’ve learned this the painful way over the last few years. I shared real pain about how I’d been mistreated, along with my thoughts and concerns. Then someone used everything I’d shared against me in a smear campaign. It never would have crossed my mind that anyone could do that. Who is that deviant? I found out that a lot of people are, and it disappointed me deeply.
It was the first time anyone had treated me with such contempt. They accused me of the very things they were doing to me. They played my private audio recordings in public spaces. They mocked my abuse and made fun of my writing. They spread lies that I was stalking them, and none of it was true. They accused me of being online accounts that had nothing to do with me. The bizarre accusations kept coming. I was stunned that people could behave this badly, and I’d never been disrespected so openly.
Fortunately, it was all centered in one online community, and walking away from it was the answer. I will never be in that place again. Those people have left many victims behind.
In another incident, I trusted that someone was truly interested in my work. That’s what they told me, and why would anyone lie about that? Again, faking it would never occur to me. They gushed over my art. They said they were reading my book. I believed all of it, but they were lying to get close to me. What? Who does that?
Later, when they didn’t get whatever they wanted from me, they gaslit me and belittled my work. They even tried to push their religious beliefs on me. Everything they’d claimed to be turned out to be a facade. I was disappointed again, because all I had done was to be myself.
Going through all of this changed me permanently. It changed how I trust, and it rewired how I move through the world. When I look back at the start of each situation, there were signs, and I chose to ignore them. I’m not saying their behavior was my fault. But it taught me never to ignore my intuition, even when I can’t explain it.
It also made me pull back, like a little turtle into its shell.
Recently I watched an interview with Mark Bowden, and something he said surprised me. What I took away from the discussion is that the worst thing a person can do is be honest. What? That goes against who I am. I thought honesty earned respect. I believed it was a core part of my integrity. But what he shared gave me deep pause.
He advised us to stop being so honest, because people can’t handle it. They don’t know what to do with it. People lie constantly, so the honest person has to mirror that to be accepted. Think about that. Our intuition pings, and we usually say honestly what we’re feeling. Then we get attacked, slandered, shunned, and abused, and we’re left confused about why.
Watch: The Importance of Being Inauthentic: Mark Bowden at TEDx
I paid for ignoring my intuition. I paid for being authentic with people I trusted, and they mistreated me for it. It pains me that the world is like this, that we can’t offer trust or open honesty without consequences. It’s sad.
But I’ve spent a long time trying to understand people and the depths of human nature, and this keeps proving true. So, here’s what works for me. I accept that I can’t always be fully authentic. I have to be strategic instead. I can do that and still keep my integrity.
It’s been a sad, hard, but important lesson. It has leveled me up in ways that wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t learned it the real, raw way I did.
So be careful out there. Guard your authenticity and trust your intuition without question.
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