Welcome to Shadow Mail, where I answer questions sent in by readers. Real questions about empaths, boundaries, and the people who drain us, answered honestly. Have one of your own? Send it here.
“I can feel heavy energy in certain houses and people. How do I protect myself without shutting down?”
I know this one very well. You walk into a house, and your chest gets tight or your stomach begins to gurgle. You sit next to someone and suddenly you’re feeling off and tired, but you were just fine the moment before you took that seat.
You’re not imagining that sensitivity, and you don’t have to shut yourself down to deal with it.
I understand that urge to go numb and feel nothing. It can work for a while. But it doesn’t just block the heavy stuff. Shutting down can block everything, the joys of life, the connections, and even our own radar. It just leaves us feeling empty, even if there’s safety there.
Self-protection is a different process, whereas shutting down is more a slamming of the door and locking oneself inside. Self-protection is like a screen door to me because the air can still move through it. We can still see what’s outside, but the flies, gnats and bloodsuckers cannot get through the screen.
Here are some tips I can offer before entering a space. Before you go inside, take just a minute to become aware of yourself. Plant your feet on the ground. Take a few deep breaths. Set an intention either verbally, or inside your mind. “I am here to visit. I am not here to absorb.” If you already know a place is heavy, also decide how long you’re willing to stay.
While you’re there notice that heaviness, in that you acknowledge its presence. Actively remind yourself that it is not yours. Remain focused on breathing slowly and don’t give way to fear. Stay steady and calm. You’re not there forever. If it gets too heavy, step outside without explaining yourself. Or go to the bathroom for a short break. Remember that you are always in control of your own actions, where you stay, and when you leave.
After you depart the space, or visiting with people who drain you, remember to recenter yourself. Clear your own energy. Maybe take a shower or bath. Or go take a walk and get some fresh air. You can remove your shoes and press your bare feet on the ground. Play music that is geared toward settling your nervous system down. Have some quiet time. Let yourself rest.
I’ll give you one of my favorite processes. I am a burner. When I want to clear something from my mental space, I write it down on paper. Everything that dumps from me about the event, the people, and what I’m feeling and thinking, gets written on the paper. I have a burn pot on my back porch. I walk to it with my lighter, and I set that paper on fire. I watch the flames and let everything that just drained me evaporate with the smoke until there is nothing left.
Your sensitivity is never a weakness that you have to hide. It’s part of who we are, an instrument that needs tuning. So, care for it, clean it, and let it rest. Don’t play it too much. That way when you do take it out of the box to use, it’s still in tune and ready for your fingers to pluck the strings.
From my shadow to yours,
Have a question for Shadow Mail? Send it to me here.
Anatomy of the Dark Empath © 2023 by Vennie Kocsis is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0
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Introduction – Start Here: Anatomy of the Dark Empath →
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