The Original One wavers, lazily sleeping, snacking and avoiding. Might I silence the fire, burning and buzzing in the spine? We run into the trails, avoiding the undergrowth of tree roots pushing their way through the ground. We grab at leafy branches. She’s an avalanche avoiding her own rubble. Sideways in the gradients lingering around … Continue reading Abstract Aberration
If my mother were alive, and you were to ask her if she allowed her children to be abused or if she abused her children, her answer would most likely be (with Bible in hand), "Absolutely NOT!" She would then most likely go on to tell you what difficult children my siblings and I were … Continue reading Child Abusers Rarely Take Ownership of Their Crimes
Click the player below to listen to the two hour interview as I talk with Janaki of The (Not So) Sacred Radio Show about my childhood growing on in a bible based cult.
Exactly eight years ago today she died. I was at work when I got the phone call. It was expected. She guilted and ate herself into diabetes and an early death. She was only 65. I used to call her Mom, then Mother, and now I call her by her first name. Maybe it's my … Continue reading She Died Today
By Tricia M I actually borrowed this book from one of my friends. I have always been fascinated with these types of stories because they just seem so surreal. Anyway, it was on my friend's coffee table and I sat down and began to read, I was Immediately engrossed. This book is told in the … Continue reading She Borrowed Cult Child From a Friend
Yesterday was her birthday, and it never crossed mine or my sister's minds. We are just miles from her grave and feel no urge to go and visit it. We are closed off now. She is ashes to ashes, dust to dust, cycled back into the dark matter. Did she come from there, meant to return to the nothingness that she became after Sam Fife's Move of God cult took control of her mind?
"I knew I was shut down to her when I stopped praying for her every day." My sister said. I've never prayed for her. I don't pray period. I'm non-religious, humanist, truther, but pray to a man-made entity? Not for me. I don't even think of her fondly like I used to. I just think of what … Continue reading Yesterday Was Her Birthday and It Never Crossed My Mind
"Brother Coblin announces at service one night that we’re all going to get to watch a movie called The Hiding Place. It’s about a woman named Corrie Ten Boom, a Jew who was in the concentration camps during World War II. I’m excited to get to watch a real life movie. I think … Continue reading The Hiding Place (“Cult Child” excerpt)
Are we not beautiful? Even beneath our masks, Gifting our hearts and hiding the fear? Are we not vulnerable and capable? Do you see they bring smiles to hide the pain? and yet we cry like rivers swirling us to the deep blue sea as we weep weep weep "Never cry more tears than you could … Continue reading The Masks We Wear
This was not an easy photo for me to do this morning. I cried. It hurt to take. I was swept back to being a five year old child, mouth taped so often to train me to be silent, just like this, except it was white packing tape, so even more humiliating as I couldn't … Continue reading Broken Until Spoken
Night terrors. They always come to me in the waking hours as I move from REM to lucid. They are like earthquakes that hit in the night, leaving the day shaken up. This one brought a sadness that sat inside a lump in my throat all day. The dream: There I am walking down a … Continue reading The Night Stabbing