The Girl In the Mirror

“You loved me,” I said, “when I was at my lowest. Yet, I didn’t quite know you were loving me. I was in tears so many days. You held me. Together we traveled the tunnels of rewound memories, finding ourselves sometimes on clouds and others in quagmire. Through these times, these deep struggles, you were … Continue reading The Girl In the Mirror

Being a Medium For Other People’s Trauma

I can feel her very strongly as soon as I walk through the door. We are the only two people here in the lobby. I am waiting to see my therapist. This woman at the table is filling out paperwork, it appears, for her first time here. She has shoulder length, dark brown hair, and … Continue reading Being a Medium For Other People’s Trauma

A Poster Child for Shame

There's a duality existing when what we long for finally arrives. In that moment we are tasked with facing it. Now, I am going back inside. I am choosing this journey. While still somewhat tired from writing "Cult Child", I want to keep myself surfing this wave lest it all disappear. As I am writing … Continue reading A Poster Child for Shame

Ruins Of a Forgotten City 

When I create art it is usually in random spaces of time surrounding emotional overflow which needs to be expelled. Free flow ability is an important element for me to be able to live a self-healthy lifestyle. When a local woman came across my art and contacted me, she told me that she found my … Continue reading Ruins Of a Forgotten City 

A Startling Recovery

Yesterday while heading home from an appointment, my head was swirling. Things are changing in my life so quickly, and not all of it is "bad", per say. It's just that change in general takes some time for me to balance into. I'm a planner. I like lists. I need schedules and reminders. These changes … Continue reading A Startling Recovery

Tell Me What You Lost

Tell me what you lost. I don't know, Pictures of smiles And baby girl bows? Tell me what you lost. Everything that made me; Memories, time lapses And cultural gaps. Why do you seek? Because I got lost; Erased every time I Dissociated beyond. Where are you now? I am here. Abstract entity. Infinite infancy. … Continue reading Tell Me What You Lost

How Childhood Trauma Effects Health Over a Lifetiime

Childhood trauma isn’t something you just get over as you grow up. Pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris explains that the repeated stress of abuse, neglect and parents struggling with mental health or substance abuse issues has real, tangible effects on the development of the brain. This unfolds across a lifetime, to the point where those who’ve … Continue reading How Childhood Trauma Effects Health Over a Lifetiime

The Most Difficult Part Of Writing Is Writing

My life as a writer is a very solitary existence. Outside of my therapist, brother and sister and my fellow cult survivors on the internet, there is not one who has walked directly in my shoes and understands why writing my post cult experiences are just as daunting as writing Cult Child was. It is different writing … Continue reading The Most Difficult Part Of Writing Is Writing