Quiet Compulsions

I have a compulsion that I'm going to reveal.  It's something that naturally happens in my mind.  It doesn't stress me out, particularly.  I do it in seconds. I do it every day, all day long.  It doesn't interfere with my life, as I see it, mainly because I can do it so quickly and … Continue reading Quiet Compulsions

A Poster Child for Shame

There's a duality existing when what we long for finally arrives. In that moment we are tasked with facing it. Now, I am going back inside. I am choosing this journey. While still somewhat tired from writing "Cult Child", I want to keep myself surfing this wave lest it all disappear. As I am writing … Continue reading A Poster Child for Shame

Ethereal Strings

but if you don't want it, the full heart and the thriving; if you are wound tightly inside the cusp of your victimoness, afraid that if you shine no one will notice, your hands will grow bruises and your fingers will become weak from gripping so deeply to the pain. change has to rise in … Continue reading Ethereal Strings

Ruins Of a Forgotten City 

When I create art it is usually in random spaces of time surrounding emotional overflow which needs to be expelled. Free flow ability is an important element for me to be able to live a self-healthy lifestyle. When a local woman came across my art and contacted me, she told me that she found my … Continue reading Ruins Of a Forgotten City 

Tell Me What You Lost

Tell me what you lost. I don't know, Pictures of smiles And baby girl bows? Tell me what you lost. Everything that made me; Memories, time lapses And cultural gaps. Why do you seek? Because I got lost; Erased every time I Dissociated beyond. Where are you now? I am here. Abstract entity. Infinite infancy. … Continue reading Tell Me What You Lost

How Childhood Trauma Effects Health Over a Lifetiime

Childhood trauma isn’t something you just get over as you grow up. Pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris explains that the repeated stress of abuse, neglect and parents struggling with mental health or substance abuse issues has real, tangible effects on the development of the brain. This unfolds across a lifetime, to the point where those who’ve … Continue reading How Childhood Trauma Effects Health Over a Lifetiime

The Most Difficult Part Of Writing Is Writing

My life as a writer is a very solitary existence. Outside of my therapist, brother and sister and my fellow cult survivors on the internet, there is not one who has walked directly in my shoes and understands why writing my post cult experiences are just as daunting as writing Cult Child was. It is different writing … Continue reading The Most Difficult Part Of Writing Is Writing

Anesthetize

You stand there in your White smock, Arms crossed over the chest, Same smile fifteen years later. I wonder who you are anymore As your voice echoes Dismissive screams Disguised as suggestions For my wailing. "Hop a bus to the Harbor," You say "Over a bridge. Live a little But just in case you can't..." … Continue reading Anesthetize

Broken Until Spoken

This was not an easy photo for me to do this morning. I cried. It hurt to take. I was swept back to being a five year old child, mouth taped so often to train me to be silent, just like this, except it was white packing tape, so even more humiliating as I couldn't … Continue reading Broken Until Spoken