“I’m Kind Of a Big Deal: We’re Talking Cover-up”

Collage Book by Vennie Kocsis

Collage art is a medium which I feel most in harmony with. For me, it’s akin to throwing runes and letting the story emerge on its own.

I picked up some outdated pocket planners from Half Price Books to up-cycle into new books. Below is a time-lapse video of my first collage creation in 2020 which has emerged thus far, a summary of everything I understand about a family story not yet fully told.

The process of making this book was approximately ten hours of sporadic creating over time. There are always breaks needed to keep myself balanced. I follow my body’s signals. Letting memory emerge can be a slow process. I take the time to let my subconscious guide me.

I have a painting I’ve been trying to finish since 2012. It can be a year or so before I create new art. It sits in my eye’s view. It is a depiction of a lucid dissociative memory. It is at least 60% done. Every time I begin to go to it, I stop unconsciously. I just can’t muster up the interest to finish it. The emotion won’t come, not the same emotion which was there when I started it. So, I wait.

I say to myself, “Ok. It isn’t time yet.”

This is my process of creating.

Digging into memory is like mining in a deep and dangerous tunnel system. It has to be done safely and with self-care in the forefront of importance.

While you will watch a short five minutes below, for me, it is hours of music and madness, glue and floating words condensed into a representation of glued together pieces from a cult childhood that left images in my cellular memory which tend to have a mind of their own.

Remember to get through it. Don’t stay in it.