Where do I go on nights when my skin aches; when I feel invisible hands gently massaging my heartache. I clutch pillows, squeezing into pieces until it mimics the human form. I am so far from home. Here alone, swept into the solitary existence of the empath; seeing signs in their eyes as they die. Where do I sing when even the wind is lonely. We are elements without the ability to rewind time. I am not sad. I am contemplative. I feel each strand of my DNA. Close my eyes; watch the molecules fall and rise, morphing sunrise into moonlight. I am a droplet in a waterfall, a music note inside the siren’s call. Hold me tight. I’m feeling it all. Where do I go when I need fixing? Which seamstress has mastered my stitching? I am holding mirrors threading needles through my skin, piecing together some of the fragments again. Did you know I rise and fall a thousand times before I can retrieve my mind? Guess who’s here, my dear? Ms. Melancholy Blues. She watches you run every time the feelings coming. Over emotional roller coaster, could you love her the most with matted eyelashes, swollen from fear letting? Where do we go from here? You played the game the wrong way, sucked inside a wormhole, and now you can’t get away. I feel the watching. I hear the echoed talking. I’m observing, hovering, recovering from temporary setbacks. I am raw and splayed, repairing the frays. And who will hold me when the minutes get lonely? The dark shadows and moon tides? Or the memory of a night I didn’t have the strength to say no?
This is not easy, watching her run from this demon. The hold is strong. He is wicked jin. She is so innocent. My lids are heavy. My brain churns thoughts. I miss home, spooning with dog. Where is this line between self health and love and giving familial support. Exhaustion. I am aggressive and stalwart. She said my mere presence antagonizes the predators. Angel vs Demon. Angel always wins. I’m ready to be home again. Everyone here in Texas is angry. What the fuck ya’ll so mad about?
Sniff a tree!
Climb a flower.
But for shit’s sake get off the housewives of whatever personas. This energy in this place is so full of envious and rude intent.
I miss the kind people of Washington who let you merge into traffic then wave and smile. I miss my water and pine trees, walks at the lake and dog parks. I miss hiking. I miss my guitar.
This place is not my home.
All assholness aside – I am witnessing some sick mentalities inside this Muslim religion. These people are arrogant, gossipy, envious, selfish, and they use their religion to enact it all.
Break them. So mote it be.
Insomnia / wish I could sleep / but I’m awake / avoiding / the heater is too warm but I don’t feel like moving to adjust it / I have errands to do today, and here I am 4 am / unable to sleep
I should write here more / but I’m often avoiding / writing a novel / writing out feelings / that shit be overwhelming sometimes / there’s only so many jagged pieces to be sifted through / until the blood starts seeping / sometimes from my eyes / sometimes from my fingertips / sometimes I go numb
You ever just need to disappear? / need a fuckin’ break / from the heartache / not just mine but the entire human race / I see it in almost every face I pass / and I find myself forcing smiles toward them / because I can’t bear their pain / I’m an Empath / I need them to heal their heartache / so I can be all the way okay
And just because I dive / just because I ramble / don’t mean I’m not alive / or alright / sometimes I just gotta / get shit off my mind / freestyle like
And that’s what blogs are for, right?