I Loved You

I loved you
like water
like the grass
like liquid mercury
inside of blown glass

i loved you
like soft snow
and meditations,
like you were
the chosen one.

i loved you
inside cages
on rooftops
where lilies grew
through rock quarries.

i loved you
innocently like lambs,
openly like rain clouds
demanding the
sun come out
i loved you.

i loved you
like disease accustomed to,
like rabid dog bites
oozing with foam
because the pain
had become my home.

i loved you
somewhere in the distance,
like tart lemons
and bitter beer faces,
i loved you,
and then i loved another.

i loved another,
like the same as you,
same habits,
same stench,
same brick walls,
trapped inside the absence.

i loved another,
like more tears on baby cheeks,
more bruises on scraped knees
like open wounds
and belly screams on
roller coaster rides,
i loved another,
and then i loved me.

i loved me,
like acceptance,
and purity,
wholesomeness,
and mistakes.
like wistful memories,
and regrets,
like fading sunsets.

i loved me,
like imperfection,
and joyful smiles,
like yearning
and fighting,
constantly running,
to keep from hiding,
i loved me,
now i love them.

i love them
like learning,
like figuring it out,
and compassion.
like accepting the afterlash
of my actions.

i love them,
like hope
like understanding choices,
like intent of thought,
like harsh truth,
from singing voices.

i love them,
because i loved you,
who taught me to love another,
until i learned to love me,
so i could love them.

(written 1/11/2011)

https://anchor.fm/venniekocsis/embed/episodes/I-Love-You-e1k5sc/a-a3tho1

 

Vennie Kocsis is the best-selling author of Cult Child and other publications. She is a also a poet and hostess of the podcast Survivor Voices Show.

Reclaiming Our Symbols

I have some tattoos containing symbols which were metaphorically, biblically used to abuse me as a child. I’ve been asked about this, why I would want these symbols permanently on my body.
I believe in reclaiming what is rightfully part of my spiritual DNA, like ancient sacred symbols which represent Love, Light and Protection from dark intentions.

 
Just because cabals stole these symbols and have been using them to represent their evil for thousands of years, does not mean they own these sacred symbols.
Therefore, I take pride in boasting the truth of their origins and confidently adorning my flesh, just as my Cherokee and Pagan European ancestors did. For me, my ink is an honor and a reminder of how absolutely powerful I am. My ink starts conversations which allow me to share truth.

 
Pride is not a “sin”. Enacting your pride to feel a sense of entitlement and behaviorally do harm to others is a personal behavioral choice. Be proud of who you are, and may all that is evil be swallowed by its own mouth.

 
©VennieKocsis

Does Your Tribe Consist Of Warriors?

I am rising. So the people in my circle must be warriors. To be close to me one must contain and maintain the passion to fight for me just as I adhere myself close to you. I will go to battle to protect you.

My army is small, yet impenetrable. Everyone outside of it is a molecular extension. Loyalty is pertinent during these times. To be accepted into the most sacred of my innner space one must be ascended and vetted, mind, body and spirit.

I look around me. I am there. Each person inside of my life loves me loyally. Each person would say no, she is good, she is my friend, my mother, my sister and my daughter.

There is no dramaturgy playing violin strings or symphonies. All are at peace with being. Each who we are. Witch. Warlock. Children of the Stars. Daughters of the Moon. Sisters to the tree leaves. Shapeshifters. Love Givers. Moniceptors. Otherkin. Indigos. Crystals. We are at differing levels of growth actualization. We are varying age dimensions. We are a wise and skilled tribe.

There is a summer awaiting fingers debating word phrases as I disengage from the grid and go in. In the meantime, I hold you at distances. Not because I don’t love you. It is because I don’t trust you. “Who me?” If you’d like to apply it feel free. Trust is not given. It is earned. The world can burn tomorrow, and the hollow earth can explode. Wars can be waged and chemicals sprayed. Who will be there to hold you?

You will know, when at your worst you become your best. So observe the words returned, the lines unspoken, the invisible fences which rush electricity through your stomach without warning.

In these signs of the times who will be by your side? Only you decide.

Alone At Sea

What wistful ways
Lovers dance
Eyes intense
Falling into trance
Bent like trees
Branches extended
Their adoration
Never ending

What an invisible life
Hovering slightly above
Glancing below
I never thought I’d
Wince at humans
Holding hands with
Such bonded elegance

She searched the earth
In caves resting
In more caves her
Hands empty
Holding dust
And aloneness

The human aches
I wish I could soothe her
Become form
Hold her close so she
Can feel chosen
Just once but
She is destined
For solitude and
Strangers wandering
In and out as though
Her heart is a brick door

Young she will escape
Finish this cycle soon
Return home where her
Legs don’t ache
From running and her
Ears won’t ring
From screaming where
Her breath becomes
A blanket wrapped tight
So she can sleep.

Now we float
Between these worlds
We see through;
Beyond and between
Beneath and inside
Smiles and tears
We cry and

Who can take
Into their hands
Such fragile existence
As ours
Who can be so worthy
Of this synergy
Spun, we rung the bells
Vibrational wind spells

Not all that exists
Is intended
Some is pretended
And this circle of
Light’s pure amethyst
Serves and protects us

What immortal ways
Lovers recycle each other
Like magnets we cannot
Avoid the passings
Broken rafts afloat a sea
Leaving mystery to
Be discovered
By another

©VennieKocsis.com

Listening To Molecules

who stole your pearls? who ripped into your shell without mercy, leaving you shattered, thirsting; mourning? who broke you and told you that you weren’t the all supreme of your own being? who closed your eyes; made your love die, until every cell, each fiber, ached from the heartbreak? who reminds you of your exquisite existence? who holds the mirror to your spirit? how often do you go silent, waiting to hear it? who taught you validation came from confirmations outside of your own musical lips? you are a gift. sing to your ability, for you are fulfilling the path which you have chosen to morph into being. you are freeing your love, one stumble at a time. stay steady on the climb. you have almost arrived.

~K~

Some Day I Want to Walk In

Some day I want to walk in
And there you sit
Candles lit
Silence

Some day I want to walk in
To the smell of your cooking;
Turn my head to
Catch you looking
Gazing
Amazing

Some day I want to walk in
Strip to nothing
Spend hours in your sin
Breathing
Being

Who are you?
Where do you hide?
I have searched,
Allowed strangers inside
Broken
Hoping

Some day I want to walk in
And it be you
No longer invisible
Tangible form
Reborn

I don’t want to be
Torn anymore
Tears have me dehydrated
My love heavy
Heady
Hazy

Some day I want to walk in
To peace and know
For the first time
What it’s like
To be both Queen and Daughter
Loved by my King and Father

Some day…

Vennie Kocsis

My Love Languages 

This psychological test has been around for a while. I’ve taken it before. I’ve read the results. I’ve realized how immensely they’ve changed when I took this test again today. One aspect of this test that I like is that a parent can take it for their child, if the child is under eighteen. If only I had this when my children were younger.

But we didn’t have… Internet. O_o

So here’s my current love language with a link at the end for you to find out yours as well.

My Scores

11 Acts of Service
6 Quality Time
6 Words of Affirmation
4 Receiving Gifts
3 Physical Touch

Interpreting the Profile Score

The highest score indicates my primary love language (the highest score is 12). It’s not uncommon to have two high scores, although one language does have a slight edge for most people. That just means two languages are important to me.

The lower scores indicate those languages I seldom use to communicate love and which probably don’t affect me very much on an emotional level. Learn more about my primary love language and how to put it to use next to the corresponding explanation below.

Important to Remember

I may have scored certain ones of the love languages more highly than others, but I do not dismiss other’s languages as insignificant. My friends and loved ones may express love in those ways, and it will be beneficial for me to understand this about them.

In the same way, it will benefit my friends and loved ones to know my love language and express affection for me in ways that I interpret as love. Every time I or they speak one another’s language, we score emotional points with one another. Of course, this isn’t a game with a scorecard! The payoff of speaking each other’s love language is more of a feeling of “this person understands me and cares for me.”

This translates into better communication, increased understanding, and, ultimately, improved relationship.

Encourage your friends and loved ones to take The Love Languages Profile. Discuss your respective love languages, and use this insight to improve your relationships.

Acts of Service

Can helping me with my responsibilities really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on me will speak volumes. The words I most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.”

Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for me tells me that my feelings don’t matter to you. When others serve me out of love (and not obligation), I feel truly valued and loved.

Quality Time

In Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for me is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes me feel truly special and loved.

Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Whether itʼs spending uninterrupted time talking or doing activities together, I deepen my connection with others through sharing time.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important, and hearing the reasons behind that love sends my spirits skyward. Insults leave me shattered and are not easily forgotten. I thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build me up.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism. I thrive most on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind a gift, primarily, that I was comsidered worthy, without the gift giver having an agenda. The perfect gift is also a gesture showing that I am known, I am cared for, and I am prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to me. A missed birthday or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are heartfelt symbols to me of someone else’s love and affection for me.

Physical Touch

Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect and abuse are unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to me.

What Are You Love Languages?