Processing Abandonment Emotions

My brother was my best friend. He was my dude. This morning I woke up with a deep ache. I miss him. It’s been ten months since he passed on. Grief is an ornery little cuss. This workbook: “Processing Through Grief” has been helpful.

Today, I felt abandoned and even a little angry, because I am about to release a new book that my brother was a large part of.

During the process of writing I was traveling and talking with scientists I met through dear friends.

My brother was the one I shared this excitement with. He held my secrets like a trustworthy stead. He left before it was finished. I feel so sad. I wish he could hold this book in his hands, my first work of science fiction. We were so excited together.

“Knowing Maude Seven” will be available in hardback on Amazon, and in e-stories, which will only be available at The Thriving Nook. Sign up for a free membership if you’d like to read it. Also sign up for The Thriving Nook Newsletter to be notified of this book’s launch.

Because I was struggling emotionally, I decided to head into nature and see how many other abandoned things I could find. As I walked inside the trees letting some needed tears flow, I spotted these abandoned things.

This book, beat up by rain that is slowly erasing the ink holding its purpose in life.
This lonely wrapper, left empty in the cold.
These two solitary lamp posts who can’t even touch one another or hug.
This bear, abandoned on a rock, it’s eyes dark blank stares beneath an upside down smile.
This plastic bag, torn and tattered, yet still holding onto its smile.
These two headless ducks.
A pile of leaf bodies just thrown on dead sticks.
This bridge to nowhere.
This graffiti on an old sign.

I remember once in 2012, my brother, nephew and some of our friends were in Olympia, WA at Tugboat Annie’s. I was singing at an open mic night.

I looked over at the wall on the booth we were in as we waited for our turn to go up, and on the wall was a quote.

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore I am perfect.

I have never forgotten that quote and how it stuck me. As I walked off the stinging in my throat, I embraced the truth that I have not been abandoned. My older brother is still here with me. I hear him in the smart ass way I say things and the hollow underbelly of my laughter.

He’s floating in his home dimension where he can always be the dungeon master; the best DND dungeon master I have ever met, just for the record.

I Don’t Know How To Tell You

Sometime I speak to other ex-Move of god cult members, and I know things I don’t know how to approach; like their parent being a pedophile.

I listen to their pain, and what affected them, and the more I listen, the more I understand how deeply dissecting mind control is.

There is a different perspective happening. I haven’t found where to put it. I feel like I’m holding an unfair secret. What’s the use of hurting someone by revealing truth about their family member?

Why do I have to hold a secret?

I’m moving into another phase of this layered life. There are some pieces of myself I once felt I needed to follow, but the strand ended up cut and reconciled.

Now that the top layer of my experiences have been peeled back, I dive to the next layer, and I am softly processing truths which have made me stand in a quiet pause.

I hear the voice, “Lightly, child. Lightly.”

Stay in the gratitude. Join me by starting here:

WIP – Collage Art Book

I have been hibernating and making art. These pages make 20 completed pages of a work in progress (WIP), which is a 52 page art collage book using last year’s planner cover. 32 more pages to go, and it is flowing out.

Sound on, babes!

Now, I have the 2021 hard back covers to make a new book. I am excited about this one. My friend sent me a pack of photos taken as far back as the 1800s, and I have a plan for them; their stories, who they are.

Collage is my heart’s most joyful expression.

Words From My Father

Spoken Version

Light travels everywhere within the Universe. The speed at which light travels in the emptiness of Universe space is 186,000 MILES per SECOND. Our Sun is about 93 million miles from earth, so it requires about 8 MINUTES for a beam of sunlight to travel from the Sun to us here on Earth. If one calculates the number of seconds of time within 1 YEAR, you’d find that a beam of light travels about 6 TRILLION miles in the time of 1 YEAR!

Nobody in science has ever viewed a singular object that could be called the SB [Supreme Being]. The knowledge of space & time is spread across a wide range of what SB entails. And the ‘Rules’ are the same everywhere in our Universe. The Rules also apply to the millions of cells in our personal brains. And we are given the choice of what to do with those cells when we make a personal choice. We can love, we can hate, and even kill, with the choice we decide to make with those cells. That choice still resides within the single individual. So……… do your best to remain true to your thoughts and wishes. The Bible-bangers were kidding themselves, and all others, if they thought their writings & words were going to change the humanoids and make them better. You’ll ultimately be responsible for all of the choices you make! The SB ‘designed’ it that way.

May all the above give you something to think about, -Dad-“

David E. Carpenter, U.S. Navy, designation retired, Groom Lake Red Hat, retired 2010