WIP – Collage Art Book

I have been hibernating and making art. These pages make 20 completed pages of a work in progress (WIP), which is a 52 page art collage book using last year’s planner cover. 32 more pages to go, and it is flowing out.

Sound on, babes!

Now, I have the 2021 hard back covers to make a new book. I am excited about this one. My friend sent me a pack of photos taken as far back as the 1800s, and I have a plan for them; their stories, who they are.

Collage is my heart’s most joyful expression.

Feeling Fashion Forward

I’m a cult kid. i didn’t get to create my own style as a child. So, now, I thoroughly enjoy funkiness in my wardrobe. I love being different, going against the grains and most of all mixing the feel of the feminine and masculine in my style. So today, I’m feeling fashion forward.


Dress to impress yourself. Mix it up! who cares whay anyone else thinks as long as you look in the mirror and love who you see!

The Universal Eye of Justice Is Always Watching

Go to the thrift store. Get a nice frame. Take out the art. Replace it with your own. Grab your Acrylic Pens and go for it.

Music: “Seven” by Prince

The Universal eye of justice is always watching. Keep your intent rooted in loving boundaries. Take care of yourself. Fall into your passions. Disappear for the winter. Emerge new in the spring. Do what makes you happy. And for the sake of your mental health, create art!

I use this 136 pound oil and acrylic paper. It’s bleed proof. Remember that there are no rules to creating art. You can be abstract. You can spill and pour. Pouring is a great way to begin making art. The Art of Paint Pouring is a great book for beginners You can be messy! I love this book, Get Messy Art: The No-Rules, No-Judgment, and No-Pressure Approach to Making Art by Caylee Grey. Layering art is fun. Drawing circles and lines using color and smudging with your fingers, let yourself be free!

Where Is Nowhere?

New world
New order
New priority
New lenses
Aloneness
Is pertinent

That was the day I went nowhere for a very long time.

Where is nowhere? On the edge of sanity, where all the color and magic resides?

I fall asleep at moonrise and awaken at thrice night where everything goes quiet. So quiet.

I can walk away any day. I can turn my face toward the places I seek out light, information and truth about this existence.

So I go. I go to listen. Sweet harmonics. Otherworldly style.

I’m only here to leave scrolls as I grow old. I’m stepping through the hues of you.

This shit ain’t brand new.

It’s the aftermath of infinity, being no one, and nothing for too long.

Send the bell. Bang the gong. Follow along if you dare; should you care to stand in the footsteps of thriving in as many weird ways as possible.

You gonna let ‘em see in, kid?

Probably not. Used to be so raw. Not feeling interested. I’m gonna be a cliff away from absence by the time they notice I’m gone.

We always hung there, you know, in the gray with the grays.

I’m about to tell the stories. I used to sing the blues to avoid it. But time is ticking, I’m getting fickle so I gotta go finish.

Eh, Mr. Mahoney. I remember the project.

New commander.
New understanding.
New handling.
New vibrations.
Contradictions.
Release them.

It Starts Inside

We trauma survivors can have a little habit. Avoidance. I know. I’ve been there. For many years I burrowed myself into every other person and/or project that distracted my mind away from myself.

I was so frightened by what I had to face in myself; the pain, the anger, the memories of a tortured childhood, but the ultimate bi-product of my avoidance was more pain, more volatility in my connections because I was projecting all of my gunk into things outside of myself.

Then I realized that everything I was avoiding inside of myself was eating my from the inside out; emotionally and physically.

I believe without question that the answer to global change starts within individual hearts. I can do my part of contributing to my personal healing.

I’ll tell you something I found out. Facing ourselves really isn’t the horrible journey we expect. Did I cry a lot? Oh, yes. I wept torrents from my body.

It was worth it. I’m further along in my healing than I expected to be by now. I am still working on myself. I’m traveling the strands of my healing into my childhood memories and supporting my inner child as she develops trust and emotional maturity.

Take the journey into yourself, loves. It’s so worth it.

Grief Has It’s Own Ebb and Flow

I was so triggered the other day by a neighbor who wanted to talk. I said, “I’m really not up to it. I’m having a down day.” Her response, “Oh, get over it.”

Immediately I wanted to snap on her. Then this calm came over me, and I said,”Never speak to me that way again. My brother just passed in March.” She then tried to back peddle, said she was joking, I said, not funny and went on my way.

I’ve been civil because – neighbor – but it truly bothers me how people forget or don’t care what grief does to us.

My grief over the loss of my brother fired off a horrible inflammation flare in my physical body. I am now on month 5 of fighting it. We experienced a lot of trauma as children. Now I feel like a lone duck on an island of normal people who don’t understand why I am the way I am, not in the way my older brother did.

and I’m processing it as best as I can. It seems the more I am forced into situational normalcy, the more my body screams no.

My brother had a warlock energy. As teenagers we had D&D tournaments that would last for weeks. We talked for hours on the phone at least once or twice a week up to the week he passed.

He created such beautiful necklaces. He special made this one I’m wearing here.

The ache I feel missing him is extremely deep; sitting at the base of my spine, and it has me physically ill. 😢

I know time will heal this hole in my heart. I am processing the stages of grieving. I have relaxed into this slow pace. I cannot fight against this process.

So, I am flowing as best as I can, while focusing on self care, rest and nature feeding.

Grieving Through the Body

I have been unable to cry since my brother died, March 12, 2021, two days before my birthday. I held his hand, along with his son, as they turned the machines off. It was the most peaceful parting. I’d never experienced this before. I sang to him. I feel him every day.

But the grief has been locking my physical body up with inflammation and pain. I have known I needed to cry, but nothing would make the tears come.

Tonight, after a short stint at the hospital for steroid infusing for shoulder lock, I decided to write my brother a long text to his phone. I can’t take him out of my favorites, this photo of him and his grandson. He was a good Pappa Bear. He had redemption as a grandfather.

That beard grab though…

And so I began to write to him…

Miss you so much. This may be how I need to grieve. To just talk to you because you’re the one who I always called when I was crying.

I miss your way of making laughter from the macabre, your satirical wildness and your crazy Trump dance. We’re trying to figure out what to do with all those coins, by the way.

Your son is amazing and strong. You taught him the value of hard work and perseverance.

I know grieving is for the ones left behind, but I gotta get the pain out, bro and right now, I can only cry it out like I used to, pouring it out in small novella text convos.

My body is in pain and inflamed with grief. I talked to Dad on Father’s Day. Janet said he’s sleeping a lot, so he’ll probably be back in the mothership with you soon.

Meanwhile I am being as strong as I can and reminding the boys to stay a clan; that gangster Viking lineage they have. They are gifting such beautiful babies and breaking the trauma bonds, and my heart sings for them.

But gottamn bro I miss you so much. I kinda feel alone on this matriarchal island.

And I’m weeping hard, and so grateful for these tears because my body has been ripped with pain as I tried to stay high functioning for others. No. I’m gonna grieve as I need to. Cry when I feel it. No shoving it down, right?

Write.

Clock says 919

You say look it up.

Number 919 meaning is that it appears around a person who has abilities to make big things in their life, but usually, something stops them in that intention. They have big dreams, but something always distracts their attention.

Why you gotta call me out like that, fucker.

Don’t laugh. 🖕🏻

I laugh through my tears.

If the number 919 appears in your enclosure, it is a deep spiritual message that you are closer to achieve the deeper, ultimate spirituality. It means that you are being aware of yourself and your beloved ones and your understanding of them becomes bigger and deeper. If you are dealing with huge, life-changing decisions, seeing a number 919 is a sign that your solution will appear sooner than expected and you’re about to make the right choice.

Number 919 is a truly unique number. It is a powerful combination of numbers 9 (it appears twice) and number 1. Number 9 represents philanthropy and eternal love. It is also related to endings and conclusions.

Number 1 stands for leadership. It means that you are a hard-working person and you can create your own destiny. It is a sign that you are truly unique and able to control your life.

Combining these two numbers you are getting number 919, which gives you a strong message about your destiny. If you’re seeing it, it means that you are on the right path in your life.

If you have a challenging period in your life, number seeing number 919 is a sign that a difficult period is about to an end.

One of the reasons you’re seeing 919 is a spiritual message that you need to have more courage. Your guardian DNA is telling you that it is keeping an eye on you.

Your cellular wisdom is taking care of you and you don’t need to worry. New, positive events in your life will occur sooner than you expect. You just need to believe in yourself.”

Thank you bro. Just thank you. I needed this one tonight. I love you. Your lil sis.