but if you don’t want it, the full heart and the thriving; if you are wound tightly inside the cusp of your victimoness, afraid that if you shine no one will notice, your hands will grow bruises and your fingers will become weak from gripping so deeply to the pain. change has to rise in you with the strength of infinite passion. you must make the decision to find out who you are beneath the fog and clouds which continuously drift inside your energy. introspection is an art. it is when you say this day belongs to no one else but you. it’s when you only listen to the blues for the rhythms not the tears, because you have chosen colorful moments that reconnect you to your own ethereal existence. it’s when you choose you. ~Vennie~
The obsession with history has become a hindrance to humans. You may ask how this can be. Isn’t where we come from important information to have in order to understand ourselves? What does this question mean? “Where do we come from?”
You have been told that history will reveal to you, who you are and where you are going. We say this may not be the full truth. Your televisions have History channels and public networks telling you to stay focused on the history of your planet.
Could this be another mind control tactic intended to keep you distracted from working on your own inner spirit journey?
If powerful humans can keep humans they perceive less powerful focused in on confusing history stories, arguments of origins, who is right, who is wrong, with such a fervor that it causes a frenzy worldwide, where in this search are you connecting with you? You aren’t because they have succeeded in distracting you.
Ask yourself if part of this, the real intent, of media focus on history is merely an intricately woven veil used to cover your eyes, keep you mesmerized and caught up so as not to face the one human who matters most to you. You.
If every human faced themselves, released all belief systems existing outside of their own being and embraced their ability to love, what would be the outcome?
Consider that humans have been programmed and conditioned with the need for ritual and worship.
What does ritual do for you? Does it make you feel a part of something greater than you? What could possibly be greater than your existence? Think of that sentence. Why are you always looking for something greater than you?
Why can you never find it?
You don’t find it in religions because they do not eliminate your pain. You do not find it because you forget to look at yourself. So why is this such a difficult concept to accept; that you are the greatness you seek? The truth of you is as simple as you rejecting what you have been forced to believe and listening to your own DNA, which is always attempting to speak with you.
You have been conditioned for centuries to believe that you must be a part of societies and that you must worship deities. If you do not, you are shunned, labeled as weird, psychotic and an outcast of their group. So instead of standing alone and feeling strength within that space belonging solely to you, you find your worth inside of groups where you will be viewed as normal.
This is the most abnormal way that a being can live. Imagine a life where you, harming none, live the happiest you can, embracing a deep understanding that you have full control over yourself.
If only you just accept it.
A male friend told me that I don’t have a boyfriend because I don’t want one.
“What does that even mean?” I asked.
He said “You want too much.”
It left me perplexed. How is that possible? How can I ever want “too much” when it comes to the peace and comfort of my own existence. This does not even equate in my own mind. No. Those days are over; you know, the suffer in silence type of give in to bullshit type of not going to do that anymore because I matter to me now. Say that twice.
“So what should I do?” I asked him.
I love to ask questions of people to satisfy my fascination with psyche; to listen to the thoughts and words of the human; soak them in and read what lives beneath their skin.
“Like quit being so picky. You know, if a dude is married, for instance, sometimes he’s not happy or it’s on the rocks. That doesn’t make him a bad guy. Like, open yourself up.”
::BLANK STARE. TRULY. BLANK FUCKING STARE::
That doesn’t even need explanation. I’ve been that route. It’s called self abuse. Now at this point, you guys, I’m giggling to myself inside, in a hysterical kind of “am I really hearing this ridiculousness?” kind of way.
I don’t have a boyfriend because I don’t want one. I don’t want one because I want too much like…
you know, all those far fetched things that might take a little,
Yeah, the type of things I tend to freely give in a relationship.
Once, I sat across the table from a man who said, “I just need to get me a trophy wife.”
I got offended. Then later learned what a trophy wife was and immediately stopped being offended. There are just some superficial terms that I didn’t understand the meaning of. Trophy wife was one of them. When I found out what it meant, I immediately thought “Oh no. I don’t want to be one of those.”
Emotionlessness does not become me. Putting on airs is not my forte’. Giving a shit what anyone thinks of me is not something that often crosses my mind. I’m me equivalently. I have passions. They matter. Anyone else’s opinion just doesn’t. I’m amicable. I have grace. I form relationships. We’re not swimming in the shallows, though. I don’t stay there long. I like the bottom, where the coral reef and colorful fish live.
Here is my answer, dear friend. I don’t have a boyfriend because I am at peace with my aloneness. I am so at peace with this aloneness that I will disallow anything less than what is at one with my own state of being to enter my temple. If these parts that make me feel at peace do not match the current male existence that is floating in my grid, then I am fully at peace with the resulting aloneness.
I haven’t time for small talk, and I love to be silly. I am deep as oceans and crave savant conversation. I like silence that is not mistaken for anger. I can ride in cars and listen to music and not need to speak. I am most comfortable with space and time around me. I need to be allowed to BE. And if that means being with only me;
Then okay. I am in acceptance.
I have moments I long for touch, to be held to a chest, looked at with tenderness, surprises and early morning not giving a shit breath, but they do not override my unwillingness to bend from what contributes to my heart’s happiness, and the greatness I know that I am.
You see, I believe chivalry was murdered during the feminist movement when human beings mistook the right of women to have equal pay, equal treatment and the right to vote, to mean we no longer wanted to be involved in romance and connection. Illusion killed chivalry. Feminists didn’t. Apathy replaced empathy, and that is a choice.
and I figured that all out… alone.
[image credit: “The Arrival” by Paul Bondart art – paulbondart.com]
Your call tonight left me hollow / my chest is under bricks / breath heavy / I feel you separating / and I touched you for a time / like when I was a child / I admired you / now I lose you / again / you’re going back to them / back to the smothering caverns / so familiar / fear of the unknown / is greater / than the pain you’ve called home / so you choose / the lesser of the two / I am riddled with the loss of you / he will isolate your mind again / make the rest of us out to be villains / years will pass / and there will be the memories / of the few months we / laughed and planned / two girls once more / like before / we have always been / a family torn / can I hold this space / my arms are weary / and I am leery of losing / the strands of this heart / are violin strings / shorn from themselves / my skin sleeps but / the lump in my throat / says weep, girl, weep / this sadness runs so deep / I am a million pieces / each trying to figure it out / the turned down mouth / a smile lost / yet all is flat / no real tears yet / will they come? / maybe it’s time I go back / reclaim the coldness / so I don’t have to hold this / next time it will be worse / the hurt / it will beat you / until your knees shake / and you said you were done / with heartache / I wonder how much more / you’ll take / if you’ll outlive / the emotional rape / but I got a journey / I have to take / and I can’t stay, sweet sister / I can’t stay / holding space I gave / and still I love / still I yearn / as the tides turn / becoming the ash we burned / in the hopes that your loneliness / wouldn’t become excuses / and I must tarry on / with my mission / but first I must try / to cry / so the heaviness / will turn light / replaced by acceptance / but first / I gotta feel this