My mother was a psychopath. She wasn’t born with that personality. She was shaped in this way by a ruthless, ferocious cult. My mother’s psychopathy manifested itself in a variety of ways that could easily fill a book. I’m writing this with the aim of educating people on what it’s like to be a child with a psychopathic mother.
I didn’t come to understand that my mother had psychopathy until much later in life. It would necessitate a thorough investigation. I’d sit in an office with the best psychotherapist I’d ever seen for long periods of time. What I’d discover would astound me. I’ll never be able to comprehend how a psychopath perceives the world. I could only accept that this was my mother’s personality, and that she wasn’t born that way.
Looking back, I believe I became aware of my mother’s general behavior around the age of ten. It all began when she realized she was the one to whom everyone came to relay their tragic stories. My mother’s dearest friends, Peggy and Judy, frequented our cabin on the cult compound in Delta Junction, Alaska.
Peggy and Judy were my mother’s flying monkeys. They were the ones who received all the information my mother overheard from her overseer position in the bakery, where she spent her days listening to elders in the corner, serving them hot bread, and soaking in the compound happenings. My mother would then inform Peggy and Judy of everything that had happened. I would watch my mother’s face when I could from my loft perch as I listened and observed. She’d glisten with a strong sense of significance. Only she had this information outside of the elders, and she adored that Peggy and Judy, in her company, seemed to feel unique.
My mother thrived on drama, particularly gossip. Because we didn’t have telephones, running water, power, or any other means for her to demonstrate her psychopathy, there wasn’t much she could do except chatter. She did, however, engage in covert triangulation with myself and my older sister. She had a preference for my older sister. My oldest sister kept to herself and took care of my mother’s bidding. I was usually a rowdy and stubborn child who was constantly on the verge of being grabbed up and whipped.
But it wasn’t until after the cult, when I was a teenager and we were living in a trailer park in Martin, Tennessee, that I realized who my mother truly was. To begin, you must accept how absurd and veiled psychopathic behavior is, in the sense that when you finally see it, you shake your head and wonder how you were ever misled. There was no way out for those of us who grew up with psychopathic parents.
To begin, you must understand how psychopaths perceive the world. Everything they say, see, and believe is motivated by a need for personal gain, even if it’s as minor as simple plaudits. They crave attention.
The psychopath’s method of disseminating this conduct varies from person to person. I can only speak for myself and the other women I’ve seen. My mother was a mastermind. She was, nevertheless, also pretty gullible. And they appear to be completely flipped. She mistrusted the individuals she should’ve trusted, but she neglected and mistreated the people she should’ve trusted.
Love bombing was a skill that my mother possessed. It’s when the level of flattery is at an all-time high. One thing you’ll notice about these people is that they either communicate in extreme and high catastrophe language or in extreme and high love language. For example, you are the best cook on the planet.
“No one in the world could possibly be as good as a cook as you.”
You might be wondering what the problem is with that sentence. What’s wrong with it is as follows: It’s not something we’d usually say. How frequently do you hear stuff like this that are said? Normally, we would say things like, “This is a great supper.” “You’re a really good cook.”
People with psychopathy have a tendency to speak in extremes. This isn’t your typical conversational language. They’ll employ a lot of flattery. Take note of the various ways that individuals flatter the next time you’re in a group chat. The average individual flatters in a reasonable manner. For example, “you have a cool shirt on.” Or “you have a very kind eyes.” The psychopath will embellish those assertions with big, wide adjectives. “You have the most stunning eyes I’ve ever seen. I’m afraid I’m going to fall into your eyes when I stare into them.” or “Oh my gosh, that shirt looks like it came straight out of Cosmopolitan or a rare runway!” Do you see the distinction?
The psychopath’s hazardous trait is their mastery at covert manipulation. You’re more likely to believe their tale if they tell it to you. They’re masters of the field of neurolinguistics. They know how to manipulate your thoughts using language. They understand how to read people’s body language. They understand how to pay attention to what you’re saying. But it makes no difference. What’s important is that you understand what to look out for and what warning flags to look for in someone like them.
My mother had a strong affinity for the art of silent vengeance. It didn’t matter to her if you were aware that she had exacted her vengeance on you. All that mattered to her is that she believed that you believed it. My mother’s wacky ways of making us nuts were deep and always surprising.
One example is how my mother would keep an eye on us while we were doing the dishes. She insisted on doing the dishes in a precise manner. The water had to be quite hot, and the silverware had to be soapy. The cups had to be scrubbed and rinsed in a perfectly tepid rinse sink full of water that had to be tested on our wrists before we could put them in. After washing the cups, we could wash the plates, and then the silverware. By this time, you had to make sure the rinse water didn’t get too cold, which could involve draining the sink and refilling it with additional water that had been tested on our wrist. Then we could finally wash the pots, pans, and utensils that our mother had used to prepare dinner, lunch, or whatever meal it had been.
When I was doing dishes, my mother would occasionally watch from the living room. This is when her deceptive tactics came into play. She’d put off any comment or criticism until I was almost finished. Then she’d rise and enter the kitchen. She would make me wash them all over if the water in the rinse basin wasn’t hot enough. I sometimes wash the dishes twice or three times.
This would also happen after lectures. Lectures on how vital it was that we do things properly in life since doing things correctly is what will get us through life. You also won’t be able to communicate with them. You are unable to respond. You are unable to defend yourself. If you do, you will be redirected to a different section of the conversation. For example, it didn’t matter if I stated that I was about to acquire new rinse water before the pots and pans were rinsed. That’s something I should’ve done before she arrived. So, it was always our fault, no matter what the explanation was.
My mother maintained contact with a couple of cult members who had also departed. One of them was even the wife of the man who raped my older sister. I later came to understand why my sister got up and left the living room when my mother was speaking with Peggy. My mother didn’t even put the two together. She only cared about her whatever current topic she wanted to talk about. They’d get a call from her. On the phone, mother would even openly discuss my and my sister’s private matters or things she didn’t like about our adolescent lives. My mother was unconcerned about respectable. She lacked morals. Anything you said to her personally might become grist for whatever drama she decided to stage and on whatever set she decided to plat it out on.
My mother had a variety of tricks under her sleeve when it came to extracting information. She had a knack for mirroring. You should keep an ear out for this the next time you’re in a group setting. Examine who is altering their voice tone in the presence of others. Alternatively, who appears to have something in common with everyone. And these kinds of strategies can be deceptive. The psychopath is so adaptable that they aren’t even aware of it. So, if you confront them about it, they will very certainly argue that they are not doing it. They may, for example, mimic one person’s tone and affect of their vocal range, as well as their words, before changing it to fit someone else’s. If someone is already loud, they may become even louder. They might then lower their voice to imitate someone who is speaking quietly.
It was my responsibility if I misinterpreted my mom. When she explained something to me and I questioned her in any way, she became defensive and began to put me down. Instead of asking me questions to learn more about why I wasn’t understanding, she became defensive and began to put me down. I was simply too naïve or stupid. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. It was because I was never willing to listen. My inability to comprehend became my fault. It became an issue. This is an example of how your own emotions will be used against you as fuel and artillery.
My mother also used my sister and I against each other since she has a way of keeping someone under a hypnotic spell to the point where those two people feel so loyal or or afraid of betraying them that they won’t communicate to each other about them. My mother used this method to divide my sister and me. In the hands of a psychopath, this is an extremely powerful tool. To establish deep allegiance, they will first utilize love bombing tactics. They disclose certain personal details about their own lives with the intent of getting you to open up and give personal information. Over time, the bond of friendship grows stronger. Meanwhile, she will form similar bonds with other people around or associated with you. just like she did with my sister.
My mother would drag my sister into the bedroom and close the door so they could could chat in private. I’d be left alone in the living room, or I’d simply head to my room. It’s a low-key approach to shunning. It’s a method of letting you know you’re not a part of the group. They also enjoy instilling dread in others. That anxiety could be as basic as apprehension of their retaliation. They make it a point to show you how their backlash appears so you know precisely what you’re getting yourself into.
The instances I’ve just given may not seem like much, but dealing with this behavior in a person on a daily basis tends to break down your mentality totally. I could go on and on about the various ways my mother used to manipulate us on a daily basis. She’d go into martyr mode one day and say she wasn’t feeling well, so we’d have to serve her and fetch everything for her. She might need to be driven somewhere the next day. It was all about keeping us occupied, scattered, in frenzies, and it was through that busyness that our attention remained focused to her. If I participated in a school activity, it was picked based on how it would make her look. She forced me to compete in a beauty pageant so that she could get a taste of what it was like to be a society woman. The reality that we were still a trailer park family didn’t change.
My mother never accepted responsibility for any of the decisions she made that ruined her children’s lives. Never believe that someone with psychopathic tendencies will ever accept responsibility for their actions. They are not going to do so. The only thing one can do is establish some distance between themselves and anyone who exhibits this pattern of conduct.
My mother used silence as a weapon against me. There are occasions when quiet is appropriate. When you’re dealing with psychopathy, and you’re on the receiving end of it, silence can speak volumes. Not only did my mother wield it as a weapon, but she did it openly.
My mother refused to talk to me after church one Sunday when I was eighteen. She completely ignored me all morning. Despite this, she had no trouble conversing with my older sister. After church was ended and we were both home, I finally had enough and asked her if she was angry with me.
“Tell your sister I don’t speak to fucking faggets,” she said to my sister.
My sister and I were taken aback.
My sister inquired, “What are you talking about?”
My mother pretended to put my laundry away for me, but this was a lie. She had rummaged through my drawers in my dresser. She discovered a note I had received from a girl with whom I had exchanged a kiss, as described in the note.
She spoke to me through my sister the entire day.
“Tell your sister to get rid of the garbage. Tell her that she has to wash her teeth. Tell her that she needs to do the dishes.”
My sister repeated the directions as she sat in the living room next to my mother. When you have to live with or deal with a psychopath on a daily basis, you’ll notice these traits. Their behavior is ridiculous, crazy making and mind boggling.
The psychopath, on the other hand, is often the most lovely person you’ve ever met, approaching you with gentleness and even kindness; they also make the best martyrs. If they are caught playing their game, they quickly begin damage control. Behind the scenes, this will appear to be them telling everyone how badly they’ve been treated and how much they’ve been the victim, while feigning perplexity. They don’t comprehend why somebody would ever treat them in such a terrible and inhumane manner. Using apocalyptic hyperbole to exaggerate their vulnerability. It’s a devious technique. It’s the life of a spider who is continually spinning a web. When someone swipes it away, they simply choose a new site and rebuild it in a day.
Except that the psychopath knows how to assemble a group. These are your cult leaders, pastors, megachurches, politicians, government intel officers, sales people, and those who know how to utilize flowery rhetoric, but most importantly, how to be masters of deception. They are master manipulators with a trade that is constantly shrouded in smoke and mirrors.
Every day, the psychopath gets up to continue weaving their web. They take delight in their web’s appearance. They aim to make sure that the web is as attractive as possible. They keep all of their flying monkeys busy enough that they never get the opportunity to actually connect and learn the truth about who they are.
Sometimes the person who everyone believes is the loveliest and kindest of them all conceals the most evil and dark actions. But once we know what to look for and what indications to look for, they become more obvious in all of their actions. Anyone who has had to grow up with a psychopathic parent or who has had to grow up in a cult and witness this manipulative conduct is going to have a lot to contribute to what I’ve said here.
Dr. Ramani Suryakantham Durvasula is an American clinical psychologist, professor of psychology, media expert, and author. She is one of my favorite people to talk to about psychopathy, sociopathy and behavioral traits.
The Psychopath & The Sociopath: A Masterclass
Accepting that psychopaths are all around us can be frightening. The truth is that the majority of them are only hazardous psychologically. Knowing the signals of their conduct, the way they speak, the way they handle themselves and portray themselves to the world against who they are behind the scenes will always be the proof inside the pudding.
Sometimes the person you’ve been told to despise turns out to be one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. And sometimes the person everyone wants you to love is the most devious and sinister of them all. Be careful what you buy into.
Read this article on 10 Signs of a Female Psychopath. Once you’ve identified the warning indicators of psychopathic behavior, you may adjust yourself appropriately and choose not to engage them if you have the option.
Keep Your Weapons Close, My Friends