A Road-Trip To Somewhere No One Has Ever Been

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Last year, 2021, was a brutal year for me. In the beginning of March, I tore a rotator cuff. A week later, my brother passed away, two days before my birthday.

Losing my brother crippled me. I laid my body beside his and sang to him about the goddesses as he passed away. I felt like a piece of me shattered with that loss. I talked to my brother every day. He was the one person who understood the pain left over from a brutal life growing up in a cult. He understood my weirdness. I could talk to him about anything, and he did not judge me. I miss him so much.

At my brother’s funeral my vehicle was broken into. They shattered my window. It hit my wallet hard, and the stress continued to pile on. As the months went by my shoulder locked up, in spite of diligent physical therapy. I could not move my hand behind my back without searing pain shooting through my shoulder and arm. By the end of 2021 the inflammation had spread to my right side and my whole upper body became locked.

It spread down my arms and into my wrists, which swelled. Then it settled into all of my joints.

Each morning, I awakened wracked with pain, unable to close my hands, audibally crying as I got up to take some Aleve. Opiods make me physically ill, so they’re not really an option for me. I have pushed through faithfully but to no avail. 2022 arrived, and I was extremely fatigued, pushing myself through each day, fighting irritation and intense pain. I was dejected and did not understand how to heal myself. I was eating as clean as possible. Still, I wasn’t getting better.

At the end of January 2022, I decided to go to an even more strict non-inflammatory diet of raw oats for breakfast, fruit and veggies during the day, and a salad with protein from eggs and beans in the evening. My body started dumping. I upped my water intake intensely. I told myself to keep moving. Stay vigilant, and I started to feel very slight improvements.

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A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting on my bed gazing at the night sky. It was a clear night. It is a sky I am very familiar with, since I enjoy watching the dusk turn each evening.

As I sat looking at the darkness, I found myself speaking to the universe about my condition.

“I need your assistance,” I said to the sky. “I am fatigued. I don’t know how much longer I can fight through this pain. I am putting on a face that I am managing, but I’m not. Inside I am dropping.”

Tears started sliding down my cheeks. I have not been able to have a good cry. I have longed for a deep cry, to purge out the pain of loss and all of the layers beneath it.

Then a soft voice came into my head.

If you leave the blinds open, we will know we are invited to assist. When they are closed, we respect that you want to be left alone.”

Hmmm, I thought to myself. Well, what do I have to lose?

I left the blinds open that night, and crawled into bed, drifting off to sleep. I woke up a few hours later in the middle of the night. I looked out of the window, and it wasn’t night. There were soft gray clouds all over the sky.

Then clouds began to dance across my window in various shapes. There was a smiley face, a cute grey alien, a cloud dancing and waving. I could hear them laughing, and I started giggling like a child. Then I drifted back to sleep.

The next morning, I woke up with a different energy. My shoulders and arms felt slightly looser. I remembered the clouds very clearly. Was it a dream? Did I really wake up? I don’t know, but I know I felt slightly better. My spirits felt lighter.

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The next night, I set an intention, looking into the sky and welcoming universal healing. I drifted to sleep and again woke up in the middle of the night. This time, there were lights above a tree flashing at me. Wow, I thought to myself, how beautiful. They didn’t move, so I ruled out a plane, and instead, they stood blinking at me.

A signal, I thought. I’m not alone. My star family is with me, looking out for me.

I woke up the next morning feeling even better. I continued with the strict non-inflammatory diet. In a week, I could touch my fingers above my waist line behind my back. I had not been able to do that for eight very long months.

I do give much credit to me being extremely strict about what I am putting in my body. I also credit my own mind for believing that there is healing accessible to me, and remembering to invite that healing into my body.

I am having detox flu moments, where my body drops, and I need to rest and sleep for 24/48 hours. Yet, still, each time I decide to leave the blinds completely open, that is, slid all the way open, that I wake up feeling that in the night, I drew to me the energy of the stars, infusing its light into my own mitochondria to help my body heal.

I have good days and bad days. This past week was extremely stressful, with a biopsy and a flooded kitchen. I did nine loads of laundry at a laundromat which resulted in my body dropping and my pain increasing.

Yet, still I have faith in my body, to keep healing. I have faith in my own spirit to keep fighting through. I welcome the universe to infuse her loving energy into me through my skin as I continue to heal.

Whatever the course we take into healing, I do believe that it is all centered in a loving self-intent. By self intent, I mean deciding to believe in my own body and mind.

We live inside of powerful human crafts that when cared for and tuned up are very high performance.

Well, I’m in the shop right now, but when I’m finished with this remodel, my vehicle will be sharper, stronger, faster and wiser. I’ll be ready for a road trip to somewhere no one else has ever been.

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