Grief Has It’s Own Ebb and Flow

I was so triggered the other day by a neighbor who wanted to talk. I said, “I’m really not up to it. I’m having a down day.” Her response, “Oh, get over it.”

Immediately I wanted to snap on her. Then this calm came over me, and I said,”Never speak to me that way again. My brother just passed in March.” She then tried to back peddle, said she was joking, I said, not funny and went on my way.

I’ve been civil because – neighbor – but it truly bothers me how people forget or don’t care what grief does to us.

My grief over the loss of my brother fired off a horrible inflammation flare in my physical body. I am now on month 5 of fighting it. We experienced a lot of trauma as children. Now I feel like a lone duck on an island of normal people who don’t understand why I am the way I am, not in the way my older brother did.

and I’m processing it as best as I can. It seems the more I am forced into situational normalcy, the more my body screams no.

My brother had a warlock energy. As teenagers we had D&D tournaments that would last for weeks. We talked for hours on the phone at least once or twice a week up to the week he passed.

He created such beautiful necklaces. He special made this one I’m wearing here.

The ache I feel missing him is extremely deep; sitting at the base of my spine, and it has me physically ill. 😢

I know time will heal this hole in my heart. I am processing the stages of grieving. I have relaxed into this slow pace. I cannot fight against this process.

So, I am flowing as best as I can, while focusing on self care, rest and nature feeding.

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