She Was Raped. They Made Her Apologize To the Church. It Was 1984.

As I am working on writing the sequel to Cult Child, entitled Rise of Sila, I am again having moments of struggle, pain and even avoidance as I write out and re-live more child abuse memories.

Writing out traumatic memories is an intricate process. Telling someone a brief story of our experience is far different than the hours of detailing each ticking second of a memory. When writing, we must recall every possible sound, conversation, smell, surroundings and anything more we can remember, in order to write a book which allows our readers to be inside each experience with us.

As I am writing I understand how much I was never able to make sense of about growing up in Sam Fife’s Move of God cult; until I became a teenager. While my mother remained silent, my brother and sister did not. As I grew older, we had deep conversations, many questions were answered and peculiar situations happened to us which kept us bound together as siblings who, while not always getting along, each held pieces of our childhood shattering in a way that kept us feeling a base protectiveness of each other.

Many sad revelations came out in our conversations.

One explanation would come from my sister. I had a very convoluted understanding of love. I believed it quite normal for an adult man to be interested in teenagers and young girls, who after beginning our menstruated cycles, were now future wife material, able to breed children, future generations for the cult. It made biological sense to me, seeing as how I had been educated, not about sex, but about my duty as a female, which included mainly the honor of being chosen by a man and bearing his children, living for God and being a good wife.

Even worse were the predators like my sister’s rapist. He raped her under the guise of deep lies and promises of a rescue that she could not critically think through. He kept her in a state of hope and fear, a narcissistic criminal who preyed on an innocent and highly naive young girl. She could not deduct that he was married, had multiple children, and furthermore, she had no knowledge yet of what he had done to his own daughter. She was a victim of a very cunning and predatory man.

It would be in later years that I would find out the truth of what was done to my sister on multiple levels. A man named Buddy Cobb was the go to man for The Move of God for over 30 years after its founder, Sam Fife, died in a plane crash in 1979. When my sister was raped, Buddy Cobb flew to Alaska on one of the cult’s private airplanes specifically to “handle” the situation with my sister.

What Buddy Cobb did to my sister was nothing less than abhorrent.

We were sequestered into our cabin. I write about this in detail in Cult Child. They held Elders meetings to decide what to do about my sister. During this time, as a young teenager, I did not understand or have much of a clue about what was going on. No one explained anything to me. My sister would barely speak at all, staying curled up in the fetal position on her mattress in our cabin, usually facing the wall, telling me to leave her alone if I tried to talk to her.

The details of what happened to her will be told in Rise of Sila, but I will share a summary of the horrific shame she was put through. The final decision came down the line from Buddy Cobb. Not only were we to be expelled from the cult, but my sister was about to be forced to do something that no rape victim should ever endure. Decided by the Elders, under the leadership and advisement of Buddy Cobb, my sister was made to stand up in front of a congregation of over 200 adults.

She was forced to ask for their forgiveness. She was forced to confess that she was a Jezebel, a whore of Babylon.

No wickeder of a human could exist after someone as low as her, according to them. She was too much of a sinner to be rescued. She was such a slut, so vile, that it was more likely she would influence the other girls.  This wasn’t just a demon which could be cast out. No, she was truly a problem for the men on the cult.  She would more likely seduce man after man. For the record, my sister later went on to graduate college and be married to the same man for over 25 years, completely opposite what they predicted she would “be”, a girl who would never commit to one man. They were wrong.

With my brother having already run away, my teenage sister “seducing” grown men, me being “rebellious” and too non-compliant (argumentative), we just weren’t a family who was an asset to the cult any longer. With a “heavy heart”, Rick Alloe, my sister’s rapist, stood and confessed that he was weak and had allowed himself to be “seduced” by a teenage whore. They too were “exiled“, so we thought. We would later find out they merely migrated to live near another cult compound in the South, and their family would remain intertwined inside of this cult into the present times. One of the Alloe’s daughters, Debbie, married one of the original cult investors, a man named Doug McClain.

My mother and her best friend made my sister’s life hell. How could she do such a thing, destroy our families like that? Rick Alloe’s wife, Peggy, would never speak to my sister again. Post cult, when my mother and Peggy would talk on the phone, my sister would quietly exit the room.  At first I didn’t really pay it much mind, but as we grew closer, and as I learned more, I understood, and the abhorrence of these women with their cultish, deviant behavior grew stronger.

My older sister was raped and victim blamed in a cult. It was 1984. Now, the unearthing of sex abuse and religious child trafficking is blasting into the news and social media. This is not a new horror. No. It has existed for decades; centuries. Have we simply come into a time of reckoning through the adult victims and the release of technology?

There is no consolation for having been through the levels of child abuse we kids suffered. No amount of restitution would make the pain go away.

Yet, restitution is due the victims all the same. Criminals who quietly stood by, knowing abuse was happening, should be held to their day in court. While the descendants of these rapists and their silent, aiding and abetting leaders want to live comfortably, reserving a false memory of their ancestors, not wanting to face the truth of what their families did to us, we will not allow this hiding any longer.

Before Buddy Cobb’s death in 2017, his granddaughter, Angie, brilliantly pegged him on the abuse. She asks him the same questions in two different scenarios. He gives the same answers, that the abuse is just evil having its day, and nothing happens that is not God’s will. When I first saw this video, I dealt with nausea having to see this man’s face again. His face has haunted me my whole life; the darkness of his eyes; the wicked smile; the arrogance and lack of caring. As a sensory child, my memories of him are filled with avoiding being near him and a crawling of the skin at his presence. While I have struggled to remember many of the eyes of those who abused me, I always could remember Buddy’s eyes, hooded and piercing, seemingly mocking and daring one to cross him.

His children would like us to think that these were the answers of a man who was aged and suffering with Alzheimer’s. Knowing Alzheimer’s as I do, I say that all the more then, he was speaking the truth. One of his children tried to say that the granddaughter was under the influence when she filmed it.  I say even if she was, she still asked the question, and he still answered.  Twice.  In two different settings.

Maybe his mind had returned to what we children experienced and how they as adults handled it, shuffling pedophiles off from farm to farm, working us into exhaustion, beating children and blaming rape victims while protecting criminals. Broken bones and bruises? God’s will. Child rape? Just evil having its day. Regardless of any excuses being given in regard to this video, these responses are those of a man whose mind is extremely sadistic.  The look in his eyes and specific hand movements are psychologically revealing to me.

Buddy Cobb Hand Signal

There are no excuses to be given. There is nothing which can be said that will erase the truth of what was done to me, my siblings and dozens of other children in Sam Fife’s Move of God.

The church is being called to answer. No longer will we allow Christian ritual abuse to be slid under Satanism as if only Satan can be a wicked entity. If there is a God, loving, omnipotent and omniscient, I dare say, he is indeed, a sociopath entity who has fed children to his supposed fallen son, allowing evil to have its day, and that, my friends, according to the followers of the Bible, is simply God’s will.

Christians no longer get to say that this is not “true” Christianity. Yes it is. That is akin to saying a dictionary is not a real dictionary. The Bible is a book. There is no changing it’s existence. There is no changing the horror stories it holds or the sick mind control enacted based on its teaching.

Until humans wake themselves up to what has been done to their minds; to their judgment and sick moralistic ties to a book based out of blood sacrifices, incest, cannibalism (communion), exorcism and child sacrifice, I fear there will be no reprise for children continually born into the generational curse of religions. The after affects of being raised in such arenas leave adults with anxiety, depressions, low self esteem, false senses of wholeness and often a sadistic deviance in regard to children.

No longer will we blame victims for what has been done to them.  No longer will we divert the issue of CRIMINALITY into an issue of religiosity.

As human beings, we have a responsibility to stop allowing adults to treat children like my sister was treated.  Young minds are malleable and often naive. The church must be held to their cross for the foundation they have built which has allowed for this apathetic mindset to exist. The church must be held accountable for the deviance their morality concepts has created; concepts built out of stripping humans from their innate right to be free, think free and not be harmed.

No child is ever responsible for their abuse. There is nothing they can wear, say, do, think, or breathe which ever makes them the blame. There are only wicked adults attempting to hide from accountability.

About Vennie Kocsishttps://venniekocsis.wordpress.comI am the author of "Cult Child", a memoir detailing my abusive childhood growing up in Sam Fife's Move of God cult. I am a poet, artist, advocate and pedophile hunter. If you know, then you know. MILAB EMPATH HYBRID HAARP POKERFLATS

21 thoughts on “She Was Raped. They Made Her Apologize To the Church. It Was 1984.

      • Hi Vinnie,
        I came across this article via a Facebook post from my Sister. I was quite taken aback as this is exactly what happened to me and my three sisters. From a farm that was established in South Africa by Sam Fife, who i got to meet. It was established by a couple called Maggie and Albert Gainsford. Who abused us four girls mentally and emotionally. They now live in America. We are survivors of The Move. We are all very functional beautiful women who have come through this with our families. Wow it was like reading our story, and we lived across the world from you. Unbelievable. Thanks for sharing your journey. 🌍🌍🌍✈️✈️✈️🗺️🗺️

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    • I agree! Vennie, I grew up at Dry Creek too. Currently struggling with writing my own book on my abusive parents, Bob & Betty Hilliker. Bob wrote a book (of lies) which is currently for sale in 2 forms on Amazon. Still exploiting his step kids because he never asked us to sign a release prior to publishing. You know, much love to you & thanks for your encouragement!!! Dr. Di Chadwell, “East Fork”

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      • I’m so sorry you were harmed. I understand the struggle with writing. It took me 7 years to write Cult Child. What years were you at Dry Creek? I was there from 78-84 (ages 8-14) my mom was Linda Carpenter and she ran the bakery.

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        • Dear Vennie, first I want to say how very sorry I am for the terrible things you and your siblings suffered at ” the Land ” at Dry Creek. Secondly, I apologize for using your comment page, but since my step-daughter, [ Dr. Di Chadwell ] ~~ [Dr. is not a legal prefix, she does not have a Doctorate Degree in anything]~~~published my name , and accused her Mother and me of abuse, in her post , I feel the need to clarify a couple things that she said. In her comment she made it sound like she ” grew up ” at ” the Land ” at Dry Creek. She did not ! We came to Alaska in May of 1974 . Diana was only 5 months shy of her 16th birthday. We built a cabin on the East Fork of Dry Creek, and Betty and I still live here. Diana had no contact with ” the Land “~~as far as we know~~! We purposely did not allow that, because we didn’t know what they were about and we didn’t want her and her siblings to be involved with false teaching, if that was what was going on there. The only ” abuse ” she has suffered, is due to the bad decisions and choices she herself has made over the last 44 years. Vennie, I know it’s very difficult for you , but please do not give up on God because of all that was done by evil men. God is real , and He loves you very, very much. God bless you Dear.

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          • I find a flaw in your comment. You protected your daughter from something you knew nothing about but you didn’t want her to fall prey to a false doctrine? How did you make the assessment of the cult’s false doctrine if you knew nothing about it? A child is dragged into the backwoods of Alaska, right next to a cult. I question the sensibility of the parents. Also, consider psychology. Whatever it was, something happened to your daughter, yeah? Coming to my page, victim blaming your daughter and asking me to have faith in an invisible deity who did nothing while I was being raped as a child tells me everything your poor daughter had to grow up with. You’re just as sick as them. If there is a heaven, it exists only for people like you all, so there is a judgment for your deeds. Heaven is only for the wicked.

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            • Vennie, ~~A dream I had as a young boy , was to live in the wilderness , build a log cabin and live a wilderness lifestyle. Betty and I married in the spring of 1973 .Betty knew of my desire . I was able to get some of the ~~open -to-entry~~ land that was offered,and we moved here in May of 1974. The ” Land ” people came in 1973. There was absolutely no way that we could have known that there was a cult in the area. I’m very sorry that I failed to mention that Betty and I attended a few meetings at ” the Land” in ’75 / ’76. We were invited by them. It was very early, they had a large boiler in the tabernacle for heat. We were there a few times when Sam Fife was there. The thing I remember most about his speech is that he emphasized ~~” We have to have ” order, ” and that he was never going to die.” We did not understand it, so we didn’t want the kids to attend until we knew more about them. We were not aware of anything that was going on there at that time. We attended meetings occasionally , and in the fall of 1986 , they started an adult Bible study, so my wife and I decided that would be a good way to learn more about them. The kids were all on their own by then. I stopped going to their meetings in 2010. Concerning bringing Diana to Alaska. She was a minor, at 15 years old , and we could not leave her . She did enjoy Alaska, building the cabin , hunting, ice skating on the creek, picking berries, and many other things we did as a family. Playing music,~~she played flute, I played guitar and accordian, we all sang along. We visited interesting places etc. She started seeing a guy who lived on upper Dry Creek, and married him in June of 1977. After that , of course, she made her own decisions in life. ~~~~~I’m sorry, but she was NOT abused by us , in any way. She posted accusations on your site, saying that she ” grew up” at Dry Creek~~not true, and suffered abuse by her parents, not true. I believe that it was necessary, and needful for me to correct the false statements. I apologize again for commenting on your site.

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              • I find that more often than not, when a child cites abuses; something has happened to them in their very young life. Kids very rarely fabricate. Now, on the other hand, adults not believing them? That is all too common. The McMartin preschool case is a horrid example of how our legal system failed children.

                Don’t you care why your daughter feels the way she does? My mother would swear she didn’t abuse us either yet she was a narcissistic crazy maker of the mind; took us to a place of insanity where religious doctrine, which in itself is violent, training death such as end times, etc, was shoved down our throats without consent and much, much more. The river of Denial is where truth and healing drown.

                An example of religious entitlement is when Christians find it okay to shove their beliefs in other people’s and kids faces. They say things like “we’ll pray for you.” Well I never consented to that and don’t care to have that energy sent my way. You all say crap to us like “don’t give up on God”. Who are any of you to “advise” any of us on religious beliefs. The entitlement of religious people is damn disgusting and it’s always done under the guise of “caring”. A caring parent lets their children grow up with free thinking minds and their own personalities, not molding them how the parent wants them to be. You don’t find us atheists running around saying “don’t pray. God’s an invisible friend made up by men.” We aren’t knocking io doors and visiting countries trying to deconvert everyone to our way.

                God is a sociopath who sits in some sky watching humans and children suffer rapes, abuses, starvation, mind control. Who would ever want to worship an imaginary thing like that? I find that anyone who would worship such a vile and sadistic thing to be very sick people. Where was god when your daughter was being abused? Where was god when we kids were being beaten and raped and child labored all day long?

                Try giving a damn about what your daughter has been through instead of running around doing damage control trying to save face that you didn’t abuse her. You dragged her into the middle of nowhere and you took her to attend services and meetings at a cult. I sat around and sang songs too. You think that’s evidence that I was happy? No. We kids adapt because we have to. We find hope inside of horror and we fake being okay so we don’t get in more trouble. Consider that your daughter finds your actions abusive.

                If my sons came to me today and said they felt abused as kids, I would listen and understand why they feel that way, because I love them and care. I would not deny them their emotions and say they are liars. The big problem with parents, especially baby boomers, is they feel like they can do no wrong, live in massive denial and take little to no responsibility for their own mistakes. Try listening to your daughter and understanding her. If she feels that she was abused, a loving, caring and giving parent would care enough to understand why.

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              • Bob – just found out from a mole you still attend church at The Land. The manipulation it took for you to come to my post and both attempt to play the victim while denying the truth is greatly evident of the mental illness we children had to deal with in regard to you adults. It is psychotic to be this manipulative. I feel sad for any child you would have raised, just for the mental duress alone they would have been under in regard to your ability to lie and be manipulative, think you can say “oops, so sorry” and it would be okay. Just like the molesters and abusers at The Land, Whitestone and all of the rest of the compounds. Know that you are definitely sick in the head, and again, if there is a heaven/hell, it exists specifically for the likes of all you adults who allowed your children to be subjected to the life and religious mind control that this cult fosters.

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                • Do, It’s hard to imagine there being any lower density than the quagmire these people already stand in. This is an example of how parents make asshat decisions without considering how it will affect their children. Then when we grow up and say “that was fucked up” their response is “I had a dream since I was a young boy….” really?

                  You did? Since a young boy, you lay in your bed, Bob, dreaming you’d steal a man’s wife and then drag his children off into the bush to live by a cult and have to work hard labor just to live? Ok. If that’s what you want to tell yourself, Mr. Hillicker. Hope Living Word Ministry can survive the bankruptcy court after they get done pouring over the financial trails they have been sent to follow right now. The Millirons are gonna end that compound with their heads in the dirt with their criminality. You guys are a bunch of extortionists and swindlers. The FBI and IRS need to come in there and raid the shit out of all of you. It is our hope that with all the tips sent to the Department of Justice that soon there will be just that. Which one of those leaders do you think will turn first? They deserve prison. Every one of them. Those who were silent too. Abusers.

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          • Vennie, thanks for bringing this to my attention. Most stepdads would be proud of their step daughter being granted an honorary doctorate in Experimental Commercial Aviation Safety Engineering. What used to be considered a mens-only industry. Why aren’t you Bob? Just because you don’t believe something to be true, doesn’t mean it isn’t. “Thou shalt not bare false witness”, is what you used to beat into our heads. Why are you not practicing what you preach bob?

            Ven, much appreciate you. My apologies for a sick thinking stepfather using your page like this. I appreciate what you said to my abusive stepfather. Anybody can be a father-it takes a real man to be a Dad. Bob is not my Dad.

            Like I said, there are many forms of #abuse Dr. Di

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        • OMG! Totally remember your Mom too! 72-85 we were the only family who permanently stayed on East Fork, remember our “walk-in only” trail, same side of the highway as ur rd, at the bridge? After I married, I moved to “Upper Dry Creek” where rd dead ends at our place aka “Austin’s Mountain” ergo Chadwell’s Ridge (-;

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  1. Vennie: WOW! . . . just wow . . . don’t think I ever heard anybody take a flame thrower to the “move” like that before. (ps that site you promised? Since I’m going to be writing a rebuttal to Sam’s ministry his written teachings would do wonders for me . . . )

    Liked by 1 person

  2. thanks darlin . . . I actually drempt about Buddy Cobb last night . . . it was long and complicated but when I woke up we were facing off with swords . . . ha! I tried to go back to sleep to see who won, but I couldn’t . . . 🙂

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