It happened early Tuesday morning. It has taken me this many days to verbalize it. Describing violent images is not an easy task. You see, the heart beats faster and faster. The head gets heavy. Hands shake. You close your eyes into short meditative moments, breathing and counting.
Inhale. 1. 2. 3. 4.
Exhale. 1. 2. 3. 4.
With each breath I center. This is not reality. This is violent imagery, seeping the emotions hiding inside my body’s cells.
I am in the third perspective, observing. I have floated to the ceiling, and I am looking down upon the scene.
I am on a bed. I have on black pants and a white, short sleeve t-shirt. I am flat on my back. My arms are beside my body, which is completely straight. I cannot see my feet.
The bed is surrounded by people standing shoulder to shoulder. They are not moving. They are silently looking at me as if assessing their handiwork. They are gray shadow forms. I cannot see them clearly. They look almost like carved out statues except for their left hands. Each one is holding a large knife in their hand, dripping with bright red blood.
From my unnoticed perch in the ceiling I am quizzically observing my own stomach and chest area. I feel no emotion as I look. It is hacked into so many pieces it mimics brutally tenderized meat. Blood is soaked into the white sheet all around me.
My gaze moves to my face. I believe I am still alive. My eyes are black. My facial expression looks peaceful. There is no scream to my mouth or contortion.
“How odd.” I think.
I awaken with a start, my muscles jerking, my heartbeat rapid, and I look at the clock. It is 7 am. I have chills in my skin. I curl beneath the covers, turn on a movie and make my mind try and forget. The images invade my day, drifting in and out. I know this will fade. I have been here so many times now, in the aftermath of violent night travel into the subconscious.
I bring out the emotion there. I hold it in my hands. It is the ghost wounds of countless stabs cast into the center of my spirit. I let it fade until I can be here now, scribing it without tears.
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