I cannot recall softness on my face, tender mother hands, holding eye contact with me as she said, “You are a Princess”.
I grew up to be the Queen of Nothing.
Oh, you may say, what a horrible scene. I do agree. You see, I was always told I was Nothing. I was seen and not heard. I was hurt. I was torn. I was ripped. I was split and split and split. I was never a laughing little princess with butterfly wings catching wind behind me. No. I do not know being that free.
Once, I thought maybe I’d be worthy enough of white picket fences and faraway fairy tales, being adored and protected, but instead I was infected. I was left abused, my life confused; bruises on my neck; threatened; time to run again.
There are pieces of me retrieved. I have glued them together into nothing. I have painted canvases and filled paper binders with the words of my absence. I have tried the best I could and found out it is not enough.
They named me Nothing; invisible to all but the demons, and they praised their Nothing to show their evilness as their voices rose in chorus.
And I, grew into more Nothingness.
I have been spat on, faced clawed with the worst of words. I have watched my own flesh and blood turn love into fire, burning down the castles I had wished to leave behind.
I grew up to be the Queen of Nothing for I am the Queen of Me.
I am Nothing. Nothing is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.