During my childhood living in the cult we children were required to always be kept busy to the point we were often in sleep deprivation mode. It was so ingrained into my head that now, in adulthood, I have struggled with being okay with just simply resting. My inner talk would begin, saying things like “You’re being lazy.” or “You should be doing SOMETHING.”
This conditioning of always having to be working as a child has followed me deeply into my adulthood. At the same time, exhaustion sets in when one has worked since such a young age. Where typically I should have a zest for working at this current point in my life, I often find myself feeling an aversion towards it, become exhausted even at the thought of having to keep a regular schedule without knowing how my body/mind/spirit will feel.
I dealt with a trigger toward the end of the week and found myself exhausting very quickly, body wanting to sleep, and I listened to it, getting hours of rest. I had some thoughts I wanted to share afterwards about the difference between sleeping off a trigger, resting the body and letting it heal as opposed to being depressed. For me, at least, there is a difference, and I’ve had to learn how to differentiate between the two. I talk more about this in the below video.