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Vennie Kocsis

The life and times of a cult child

Training

He gently took my hands and said, “my dear, think clearly about your human journey.”

He paused to give me time.

Then he continued, “You must have trained a long time for this mission.”

I must have.

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Posted on September 13, 2014 by Vennie Kocsis • This entry was posted in Vennie Writes and tagged abuse survivor, acceptance, advocate, angel, empath, fallen angel, healing, strength, warrioress. Bookmark the permalink.

About Vennie Kocsishttps://venniekocsis.wordpress.comI am the author of "Cult Child", a memoir detailing my abusive childhood growing up in Sam Fife's Move of God cult. I am a poet, artist, advocate and pedophile hunter. If you know, then you know. MILAB EMPATH HYBRID HAARP POKERFLATS

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Vennie Kocsis

Vennie Kocsis

A Deprogrammed Mind

A Deprogrammed Mind

A Personal View

Gratitude has empowered me. I write in the journal every single day. My next post is an #igvideo to give a little peek inside of this five week course that is so simple, it will only take you a maximum of ten minutes a day to do. You won’t believe the swift results. Check out the video for more info! • #venniekocsis #becominggratitude #gratitude #mindfulness #gratitudecourse #fiveweeks #tenminutes #mindpower #thankful #journal #journaling #journalingbible #journalingbiblecommunity #journalcommunity #changeyourlife #healing #innerchild #affirmations #positiveaffirmations #survivorvoices

This is American life. We go down sidewalks, and while looking down, amidst the fresh spills of Starbucks drinks, a heroin needle. • I wonder when we will cease being this, the careless apathy toward the pain and hopelessness of our fellow citizens. • Seeing this made my heart drop a bit. We are failing the hurting ones. We are ignoring their desperate cries for help as they drop dead. These are veterans and citizens who have in childhood, adulthood or both, suffered severe traumas. • While I know that every human must ultimately choose their own healing, support and acknowledgment of the wounds they carry is astronomic. When we are in pain whether physically, mentally or both, and on top of that, people who should love us don’t care, we can find ourselves in a state of wanting to remove ourselves from the planet. • Don’t be that. Don’t be the person who goes cold and treats others crappy. Don’t be the human who looks away from the drowning souls who desperately need us to notice them. • #venniekocsis #drugaddiction #opioidcrisis #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #addiction #addictionrecovery #survivorvoices

What does a narcissist getting supply look like? • Anything someone is purposely doing to make you feel anger or pain, because that’s what they feed off of. An interesting angle discusses adrenochrome, which is secreted from the adrenaline glands above the kidneys. • A scientific study looked at how predators “feed” off of the “energy” excreted when fear or pain are exuded, because when this happens, the body goes into fight or flight, which makes the adrenal glands speed up. The body then exudes a higher rate of energy through the projection of that secretion through emotion. • Science has also studied fear and adrenaline in children, and how child predators incite these same emotions to feed from. They looked at the connection to kidney drop when humans are around people who are energetic vampires. • Often, the victim can become physically ill or feel extremely exhausted after prolonged contact with the predator. Children were often physically ill after too much contact with toxicity in general. • Narcissist feed looks like emotions, exhaustion and for many, physical illness, because if one considers this from a metaphoric perspective, it is akin to watching a vampire suck the life from someone. If a person you are consistently around is inciting negative emotion and you’re feeling drained and/or ill, you may be dealing with an energy feeder. • #venniekocsis #narcissism #narcissists #narcissist #toxicpeople #toxicrelationships #knowthesigns #mentalhealthawareness #protectyourself #survivorvoices

When a child is defiled, it changes our biology. While in Sam Fife’s Move Of God Cult, I already suffered multiple head traumas from beatings by the age of five. Still, I’m sometimes mocked because I struggle with memory. From flighty, to flakey, called a liar, the level of victim blaming/disregard for my experiences has been next level and worse, used to take advantage of me. Those days are over. • As a post-cult teen, my mother was violent. She grew up neglected and abused by her mother. A cult recruiter spent years mind controlling her until she left my father to hand over her children to a violent cult. That’s how deep mind control goes. • As a post cult teenager, she backhanded me so hard I had countless busted lips from my teeth cutting the insides. It should be noted she never hit us before the cult got ahold of her. She once trapped me behind a bedroom door at 15 years of age, punching me in the head and face as I tried to shield the blows. My older sister pulled her off of me. The stories go on and on. • When I was incarcerated at 18, mother spent her visits weeping about where she had possibly gone wrong for this to happen to HER, as I sat staring back, wearing my TDOC uniform, white stripe down the side, prisoner 120406. I was the one behind bars yet consoling my own mother. • This has been my life, invisible impairments ignored by those who should have listened and understood why I view the world and react to things the the way I do. • I was in 2 domestically violent adult relationships. The 1st, I was called stupid, a dumb bytch, and much worse. The 2nd, my head was slammed against a wall repeatedly, and I was choked. Between the ages of 3 and 30, I experienced more head trauma than I can count. • So, if you don’t understand me, or I seem confusing at times, consider this. • #venniekocsis #cultchild #cult #cults #cptsd #did #childabuse #trauma #exvangelical #truestory #writerslife #survivorvoices

Dear sons, you weathered the storms of my floundering mom moments. You have loved me adoringly. You have been beautiful since the day you were born. You have changed my life for the better. You have made me laugh more times than I can count. You have never let your spirits be broken. I’m so proud to be your mom, @ugesauce and @philestoups 💕 I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the ocean with all the family moms today! You’ve chosen beautiful women, with great matriarchal mothers, and I believe in the strength of your hearts. Mothers Day today is me putting my energy and my heart into wrapping my family with as much love as I can send. I’m also reminiscing through childhood photos. What a great mood lifter! 🥰 You are Kings. Never forget that. You are mighty warriors with ethics, standards and the ability to be and do any damn thing you want. Cuz yanno what? YOU IS GROWN! 😂 I love you, kiddos. 😍 Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms of the planet. To the motherless child and/or adult, whether your mother is here on earth or passed on, please know that you are in my heart today, as I know this day can also be difficult for many. 💐 #venniekocsis #beavisandbutthead #happymothersday #mothersday #mothers #mommy #motherlessdaughters #motherlesssons #motherless #motherlesschild #iloveyou #staystrong #liveyourbestlife #survivorvoices

I am having to manage life around a knee injury which needs rest in order to heal. Time organization is key for me. I am even scheduling rest. I took time to organize activities for the down time I’m having to take; art and writing supplies. • If there is disorganization in your life, it is not the workload that is the problem. It is you. We are responsible for organizing our wonderful lives in a way which allows us to produce and be present with peace and ease. • We owe ourselves the gift of organization. We owe ourselves the exhaling of being able to look at our written schedule and release the worry and chaos from our mind. • We must not look at the task of organization as a burden in and of its self. It’s a toolbox we place all of our instruments into for use when we need them. When we choose what times in the day and what states of mind we will categorize a task, we figure out our own unique way of accomplishing our goals. • When we accept we can also switch some things around as needed we watch all manic confusion quickly disappear. • I believe in you. Because of consistent, ebbing pain, I am currently have days of struggling to stay focused on my tasks. I remind myself that each day is a new day to begin again. • Slowly and surely I am refining and reprogramming my brain to only make choices which contribute to my greater good and more than anything, a consistent state of positive mental health. This includes even the smallest tasks of my day and how I think toward them. I am living in a way which inspires passion and fire inside of my soul. Will you take this journey with me? • 𝒱𝑒𝓃𝓃𝒾𝑒 𝒦𝑜𝒸𝓈𝒾𝓈• #VennieKocsis #writer #writing #blogger #blog #blogs #author #writerslife #pnwwriter #pnwwriters #writers #writersofinstagram #writer #organize #organizing #writersofinstagram #authorsofinstagram #livingmybestlife #wordsofwisdom #thriving #healing #growth #strength #writerscommunity #amwriting #schedule #focused #survivorvoices

What’s wrong? Are you ok? Are you upset? What are you mad about? All questions we can be asked when we are feeling silent. • Why are humans so uncomfortable with silence? We feel the need to fill silent spaces in conversation to the point of forcing ourselves to talk about boring subjects. • I am comfortable with silence. I can sit with you in the same room, reading silently, and we can sit for hours without talking. Silence is not always anger or emotion. Sometimes we are being silent because we are listening to our inner voice. • In silence so much is heard. In being alone we can come to understand the whispers of our DNA 🧬, information we too often ignore. Silence has to be listened to before it can be heard. • Pick up my book “Dusted Shelves” by visiting the link in my profile. • #DustedShelves #poet #author #poetry #empath #poemoftheday #writersofinstagram #writer #poetsofinstagram #spilledink #amwriting #poetryisnotdead #poetrycommunity #writerscommunity #prose #writers #poetsofig #poetryreader #poemporn #spilledthoughts #poem #cultchild #poetrycorner #pnwwriter #tacomawa #read #tacomawashington #VennieKocsis #SurvivorVoices

I had to have an MRI today on my left knee to hopefully rule out a torn meniscus. Welcome to anxiety city over the MRI process. • I knew I was going to get to slide in the machine backwards so my head and my arms would be out in the open. Whew! • I cannot move for an hour. Not a damn muscle. I know that places on me are gonna itch just because that’s part of the MRI mind-f&ck! 🤷🏼‍♀️And the sound, even with the meditation music in the headphones, will pierce into my eardrum. • In the changing room, I processed my anxiety by doing a photo shoot. 😂😂 Go ahead. Swipe through. The scrubs are next level. • I must have looked like a giant to the man doing my test. He handed me the hugest damn scrubs I’d ever seen. I might have been offended if I wasn’t so busy chuckling. • There was no way I was going to miss out on the opportunity to laugh my way through what was about to be a gateway experience. Always take selfies when handed giant scrubs. • Serious Moment: Trauma survivors. Testing can and most likely will be triggering. Maybe you were put through a lot of testing as part of your abuse. Maybe you had medical care withheld from you. Please don’t ignore that it’s possible for testing to bring up memories. • I had a period where I had to breathe myself through nausea, as the repeated buzzing felt like it would never end. • My chest got heavy. I lay perfectly still, as portals broke open, and I had a full blown, hour-long inner conversation, in the midst of perfect stillness and audio chaos. • I just used a triggering situation to make it take me backward into my childhood and that felt powerful. I laughed my way through the anxiety and that felt like thriving. • #VennieKocsis #writer #writing #blogger #blog #blogs #thoughts #author #writerslife #pnwwriter #tacomawa #tacomawashington #pnw #writersofinstagram #writer #warrior #writerscommunity #writersofinstagram #authorsofinstagram #livingmybestlife #thriving #MRI #thriver #vulnerability #healing #growth #strength #survivorvoices

I am here to fight. I am here to make right the wrongs of generations. I am here to create and scribe. This is my passion. • As I grow older, life unfolds quickly. I have released worry. I have released fear. I am going forward, because my voice matters. • We don’t have to be silent anymore. We don’t have to be ashamed of our experiences. We are healing. We are becoming accountable. It hurts so much, but we’re just cleaning out those wounds, darlings. • When the pain of the healing is finished, and our heart stretches to the sky, freedom becomes the empowerment that allows us to freely fly beyond the dimensions of pain. We can live the life we want. • Defining that life is important. My goals are rooted in intent and hope of healing. My focus is in the amazing thriving of so many trauma survivors who have stepped out of the pain and into the sunshine of their victory. • Let us continue to grow and laugh. Let us keep processing with positive self-love. Because we damn well deserve it. • Be the kid you never got to be. You are free. Today, I am a fairy. • #VennieKocsis #writer #writing #blogger #blog #blogs #thoughts #author #writerslife #pnwwriter #tacomawa #tacomawashington #pnw #writersofinstagram #writer #warrior #mondaymood #writersofinstagram #authorsofinstagram #livingmybestlife #thriving #fairy #Sunday #vulnerability #healing #growth #strength #survivorvoices

Cult kids have to find out who we are. I’ve found one key to knowing my self identity is what makes me feel passionate. • What cult kids can struggle with is the doctrine which becomes an inner voice against their passions, even the smallest ones. • I love a little makeup. Cult voice: Whore of Babylon. Jezebel. • I love to rest. Cult voice: Lazy. Idle work is the devil’s hands. • I say no if something doesn’t work for my current situation. Cult voice: Selfish. You need to set aside your suffering for others. • I love to create and am biologically gifted. Cult voice: Egotistical. Don’t take full credit for your gifts. • I invent my own personal style and enjoy being different. Cult voice: Your are feeding the flesh. • The mind control our brains were programmed with crippled our self esteem. Well, we can reboot this damn hard drive and put some new software in it. • The new software includes acceptance of our past experiences and knowing it is no longer our current. We master turning to our reality based thinking any time the memory viruses try to infiltrate our brand new brain computer. • The new software contains a processing application wherein we learn how to wash memories and build coping skills to soothe our minds. • The inner child software is simple to operate. We just enter questions we would ask a child at that age. The five year old you may need a cuddly blanket, movie, sweet or salty; a good drink. The twelve year old you may need a journal, markers, a creamy tea or slushy and some time alone to write. • My life is a process of taking each moment as it comes. • I thank myself for my accomplishments, creating through MY own DNA. It is okay to humbly embrace myself. • This journey of thriving has unfolded best by staying in acceptance and keeping my mind open to growth and change. • #VennieKocsis #writer #writing #blogger #blog #blogs #thoughts #author #writerslife #pnwwriter #tacomawa #tacomawashington #pnw #writersofinstagram #writer #warrior #mondaymood #writersofinstagram #authorsofinstagram #livingmybestlife #thriving #accountability #Sunday #vulnerability #healing #growth #strength #SurvivorVoices

I am a mass of equations, cosmology and biology, filled with gardens and forests of memories. I sigh into the fog and clean the mirror to emerge all truth. • Who are you?” She whispers. • We are otherkin, finding our way by staying rooted within the dimensions we burst from, to arrive inside this hive called Earth. • My birth was denied, my body used and abused, forced and broken, as I soaked in each detail of the hell humans have created. They now sit debating solutions for their own confusion. • Now we tell. • All that is hidden inside of the darkness emerge. Break the stone and remold the dust into carafes of love. As below, so above. Reverse the spell of the master’s veil. • You are as free as you believe. All that is in us, our cells and DNA 🧬, twirling stars ✨ and inner wars, emerge, as you turn away from your own mind, so, stop 🛑 fighting with yourself. • Be all that you are, each pEAce and strand. Let your happiness live, because why the fuck not? If you keep holding on, how long before the anger sinks your skin and brings the wrinkles in? • No. You stay young. You live. You sing 🎤. You do the damn thing, and you laugh 😂 from the joy of it. You dance 💃 🕺🏼 like you’re all alone, because you own your destiny, step by step. • Go forward, Warrior. • Art by @venniekocsis • ⚔️Link in Bio⚔️ • #VennieKocsis #writer #writing #blogger #blog #blogs #thoughts #author #writerslife #pnwwriter #tacomawa #tacomawashington #pnw #writersofinstagram #writer #warrior #mondaymood #writersofinstagram #authorsofinstagram #livingmybestlife #artoftheday #thriving #accountability #artist #digitalart #art #artistsoninstagram #empath #survivorvoices

I wrote “Becoming Gratitude” for myself. It began as a notebook, taking form as I grew my Light 💡 • Within 30 days my mind had changed! 🤯 I had found a free mental medication. 🥰 That’s when I knew I had to share these processes. I published “Becoming Gratitude” in 2013. 🌻 • This journal is a five week class! Each page is a “lesson” you will do at the end of your day. Each page contains a daily affirmation to give you a positive wrap up before you fall into sleep. It will take you only 5-10 minutes. • Are you skeptical about whether you can literally flip your mind in a short five weeks? I double-dog dare you to give it a try! ➡️Link In My Profile!⬅️

We all think our pets are the best. We should! I love this Independent, moody, bossy, brilliant little girl. She says “Hello!” in the morning and snuggles with me. She expects nothing more than food, water, a clean liter box and an occasional cuddle. Humans can learn so much from the unconditional love of animals. Animals are highly appreciative just to have their basic needs met, as humans can complain while they’re surrounded by material waste they often don’t appreciate, continuing to spend, keeping themselves in a false sense of materialistic driven happiness. Be like the animal, who is so grateful to us just for filling their food and water bowls and simply loving them. 🐈 #venniekocsis #catsofinstagram #cats #animallessons #lessonsfromanimals #thursdaythoughts #thursdaymotivation #writersofinstagram #love #thatpnwlife #tacomawashington #survivorvoices

My sons make my heart swell with pride. They have spent a life struggling through so many situations. To see them now, with their own identities, ways of thinking about the world, their own goals and dreams, with focus and perseverance, is nothing I can take credit for. They get the accolades for all of their hard work to grow and be who they want to be. My eldest son is such a great dad. We need to support fathers who are willing to protect their children and provide a structured environment to help them move forward into the future. Thank you @ugesauce for being a dope ass dad. 🥰 #venniekocsis #son #sons #granddaughter #dreadlocks #tattoos #lafamilia #family #candidphotography #thursday #thursdaymotivation #goodmen #dads #fatherdaughter @goodmenproject #goodmenproject #survivorvoices

Pick up your copy of Cult Child: ➡️ link in bio ⬅️ . . . . . . . #venniekocsis #memoir #cultstoo #cults #writer #writerscommunity #writersofinstagram #author #authors #authorsofinstagram #book #books #rapture #excerpt #paperback #childabuse #religion #exvangelical #fundamentalist #abuse #evangelical #baptism #survivorstories #authorlife #truestory #survivorvoices #series #childhood #CultChild #RiseOfSila

Taking time down to heal is the kindest thing you can do for yourself. . . . . . . #venniekocsis #warrior #warriorlife #advocate #cultchild #healing #writersofinstagram #amwriting #riseofsila #resting #survivorvoices

My love 🥰 #cats #catsofinstagram #cats_of_instagram #catstagram #ladyzin #wednesdays #venniekocsis

When I am triggered, I dive into it. I find that strand to which part of my childhood it’s connected with so I can snip and release to the invisible air. In this time of my life I am very raw about my mother and the viciousness 11 years of #cult life left in her. Because I am writing #riseofsila I am deeply inside of trams memories. I feel a bit shut down today. I am dealing with knee pain from a torn meniscus for the 10th straight day and awaiting an MRI. Physical #pain makes me more emotionally open. Since I’ve been forced to mostly rest, I’ve been journaling and doing a whole lot of introspective thinking about this life. . . . . . . #venniekocsis #selfcare #rest #keeptalkingmh #writer #cultchild #dustedshelves #survivorvoices

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